THE MOST METAL DISNEY CHARACTERS, PART 1

Those who know me, know that I love anything that I was supposed to outgrow 15 years ago.  (Apparently, I also love multi-part posts.)  After doing some extensive reading on the upcoming release of Disney’s The Princess and the Frog (due out Thanksgiving-ish), I got to wondering…..which animated Disney characters are the most br00tal?  In my eyes, there are quite a few:

1. The Magic Mirror (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, 1937)

Through the whisps of smoke, he appeared before the Queen and told her just who was the fairest of them all.  In true brutal fashion, he set that bitch straight.

-DISTINGUISHING METAL FEATURES: White face, black eyes & mouth.

-ROCKS OUT TO: It’s pretty dark inside that mirror, so…black metal all the way.  Maybe some Gojira to lighten things up a bit.

-MOST METAL MOMENT/LINE: “Tis the heart of a pig you hold in your hand.”  Yeeeeaaaahh…pull that pork.

2. The Crocodile (Peter Pan, 1953)

What’s that Mr. Hook??  CHOMP!  There goes your hand.  But it just wasn’t enough.  The Croc-man kept comin’ back for more.  You could always hear him.  (Tick, tock, tick, tock.)  That’s enough to make anyone want to devour human flesh.

-DISTINGUISHING METAL FEATURES: Sharp spikes all down his back. Rather tooth-y as well.

-ROCKS OUT TO: Sunn O)), Sleep, Pentagram, anything that suits his ‘march to your doom’ sorta vibe.  He probably knows which iPod case is best for underwater use.

-MOST METAL MOMENT/LINE: When he’s (c)rockin’ out, and of course, at the end when he finally eats Captain Hook.

2. Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty, 1959)

I gotta hand it to the chick that refers to herself as the ‘mistress of all evil.’  Damn, don’t forget to invite homegirl to your next party.  She will not hesitate to cut a bitch.

-DISTINGUISHING METAL FEATURES: Permanently raised horns on head, a black crow and a glowing orb.

-ROCKS OUT TO: Cradle of Filth when she’s angry, Epica when she’s feelin’….ya know.

-MOST METAL MOMENT/LINE: “Now, shall you deal with ME, Oh Prince, and all the powers of HELL! AAAHAHAHHAHHHHAAAAAAAAHAHAH!!!“  (Dude, they said HELL in a Disney movie!)  She also transforms into a fire-breathing dragon, gets speared by an echanted sword and plunges to her death off a cliff.  Is there a more metal way to die?

-Elise

(Part 2 coming soon….)