TOP 5 CHICK METAL BANDS I JUST CAN’T GET INTO

It’s been brought to my attention that I’m getting a reputation for being that “metal chick” who’s into chick metal bands. Well, I say enough is enough! Damnit, I don’t just like any band with a vagina (or two), in fact there are plenty that I can’t stand. Thus, here are the ones that made the cut for NOT making the cut. In my book anyway:

5. Otep- Ok, I realize I may lose some points on this one, but here’s the thing. Yeah, vocally she’s pretty good, and the dudes in the band aren’t bad either. BUT,  I HATE politics (either side of the spectrum) in entertainment. I can stomach subtlety, but every single effing song is about how much she hates Dubya, and whether you hate him or love him it gets OLD. Now that he’s gone, I wonder what she’ll write about.

4. Halestorm- Just… ehhhh. Am I missing something about them? Just to me they just seem like one step up from Paramore. If I’m missing something here, let me know? Eh, fuck it, I don’t care that much.

3. Made Out of Babies- With a name like Julie Christmas, how can I not like you? I don’t know- but I don’t, sorry. I have a lot of their music (thanks, college radio!) and I’ve given it a fair chance. The Ruiner was so well-reviewed, but I just can’t figure out why. Wacky time signatures is one thing, but to me this is just wacky.

2. Luminis- Oh, I couldn’t resist. You didn’t think I’d leave out our favorite tone-deaf NJ Euro femme metal cover band, did you?

1. Leaves’ Eyes- How can a band so similar to Nightwish, be so painfully awfully different at the same time? If you took Nightwish (the Tarja years) a collector’s set of Magic cards, some Harry Potter books, and one of Cristina Scabbia’s old kimonos and put em together- KAZAAM! You’d get Leaves Eyes’. The nerdiest of nerd metal there is. This is one time being a blonde in metal gets you NOWHERE.

-Julia