IDOL ON THE ROCKS, PLEASE

My favorite reality competition show is currently in its off-season, but the news sure has been piling in lately.  Much to my dismay, Paula Abdul was recently given the axe from the judge’s panel, supposedly over money issues.  Idol is now filming auditions for next season in various cities and they’ve been bringing in all sorts of random celebrity guest judges to fill Paula’s spot like Victoria Beckham, Shania Twain, Kelly Clarkson, and, wait for it…..Joe f’ing Jonas.  Gag me.

Now, let me just say that I am well aware that my worlds are somewhat colliding right now.  Most of you who frequent this blog probably have never even seen 30 whole seconds of this show in your life, and (like most of the rock community) probably have some bullshit IDOL IS EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THE WORLD moral belief.  To which I say….it’s just a fucking TV show.  It’s entertaining and funny.  It involves music.  It gets songs to SOAR to the top of the iTunes charts ($$). Get over it.

Besides the clear lack of rock songs actually sang on the show, the rockin’ population refuses to embrace Idol.  Now, as someone who used to sing (yes, in public), coming into a competition like this and seeing THE MIDDLE JONAS BROTHER WHO USES A FLAT IRON sitting before me to decide my fate, is not very encouraging.  There are so many other better people we could get to do this.  Idol has big cracked out Paula shoes to fill.  Let’s round up the usual suspects:

Slash

He actually was the guest ‘mentor’ (not a judge) for last season’s Rock Week.  (If you could even call it that— one contestant sang a Beatles song. YAWN!)  Anyway, he was clearly just invited because he’s…Slash, and proved to have no more personality than a bag of hair.  Not a very good judge pick.  NEXT!

Scott Ian

Yeah, I know.  He’d never do it in a million trillion years.  The guy just oozes with hatred of popular music.  But he’s always on VH1, and plays celebrity poker…why the hell not?  HE’D BE SO MEAN!  Simon would dig him.

Dee Snider

I can’t believe this hasn’t happened yet.  Dee is one of the most posi people in the biz.  He could continue the cheerleader position right where Paula left off.  Plus, it’s about time they let a Jew in.  Apparently, other people agree.

Some others….

Boring people they’d probably consider asking: Ozzy, Steve Tyler, Gene Simmons

The image in my head, alone, is priceless: Dio, Andrew W.K., Lemmy, Fred Durst

I guess we’ll I’ll see.

-Elise