ANGELA GOSSOWSKI’S TOP HOWEVER MANY ALBUMS I HAD TIME TO WRITE ABOUT THIS YEAR

Oh hai, 2011. You crept up fast. This year was…interesting. Metalwise, there were some great albums, but honestly, not enough for me to make a full top 10. Listen, I can hear you bitching right now. Stop it. Shut-up. Why do I only have 7 albums? Well it’s not because I don’t believe there were 10 great albums this year, it’s the fact that I just didn’t get to listen to every fucking thing that was released. I don’t got that kinda time. Do you want me to make shit up and pretend I listened to something to complete the list? That would be shitty of you. You must be a lying sack of shit. You get a lump of coal and a wicked case of Syphilis courtesy of Saint Nick himself. Anyway, here is my list, in no particular order (but there probably is so just take a guess I suppose).

Voldemort killed me on page 55.

Deftones - Diamond Eyes
C’mon. You knew this would be on here. Including a new Deftones release into my top 10 is like your favorite color being green because you’re a Packers fanatic; it just comes with the fucking territory. Either way, this album really does it for me, as I stated earlier this year. And dude, you guys, Chino got fucking skinny! The more albums you buy, the skinnier Chino gets. This has nothing to do with the quality of the album, and everything to do with making the men of metal more aesthetically pleasing. Seriously though, this album is really on point despite Chi no longer being able to play with the band. Yes, that was a super nice way of putting it. Leave it at that. The album exceeded expectations in my opinion, and really brought together the evolution of the band’s sound over the past 10 years despite the Harry Potter owl on the cover. Seriously, wtf?
SONG TO GET ALL SIERRA LEON ON: “BEAUTY SCHOOL”



Periphery - Periphery
Oh hey, remember when everyone was riding the dicks of Periphery? Well, not much has changed, because they are still 100% awesome. Periphery’s debut album was exactly as djenty as everyone expected. Despite going through a slew of lead singers like Bree Olson goes through cock ‘n balls, Periphery settled on Spencer Sotelo. Although I agree with a friend that he sounds “Kelly Clarkstonish at times”, I still can look past that and suck hard on the sweet sound coming from behind him (leaving the jokes to you on that one.) Also…he kind of looks like Pauly Shore and The Situation. Combined.


Son In-Law. #srsly

SONG TO PRETEND PAULY SHORE IS SINGING: “ZYGLROX” Because I know when I think about Periphery, Keanu Reeves comes to mind ALL THE TIME.



Landmine Marathon - Sovereign Descent
Instead of giving you a short review filled with satire, I am going to post a video that I recorded last month when visiting Landmine in East Lansing. This is their new drummer Andy, with his impression of a well-known Family Guy character; 3 guesses who…enjoy. =)



Levi/Werstler - Avalanche of Worms
I still have zero fucking clue as to what the name of this CD means. Anything other than a literal interpretation might kill it for me. But Emil and Eyal put together a literal symphony of metal, reminiscent of Fantasia, except not gay. This album must, MUST, be listened to from beginning to end. This is not really an album to pick singles off of; if you want to really “get” this thing, you have to listen to the entire thing. Just like your first boyfriend said, “Just take the whole thing. It’s worth it, baby.”
SONG I DON’T RECOMMEND LISTENING TO BY ITSELF: “OBSIDIAN FISSURE”



Rotting Christ - Aealo
This was a definite pleasant surprise for me this year. I haven’t actually been all that familiar with Rotting Christ, and frankly didn’t really know much about them. But back in like March, Elise posted a song off of this album. It immediately made me want to paint my face and wage war with the church down the street. Despite the chanting ladies dispersed throughout the tracks - making me feel like I’m watching a Thanksgiving play or awkward transitions in an A&E special - there really isn’t one song on this album that I don’t like. The musicianship is impeccable, the production is fucking perfect and the unity of effect really shines through. On that note of pretending to be smart, I’m out.
SONG TO LISTEN TO WHILE FIGHTING SOME CRAY CRAY CATHOLICS: “PIR THREONTAI”



Carach Angren – Death Came Through A Phantom Ship
Yeah, yeah…this is mad cheesy. It’s cheese covered cheese with cheese filling. But my god do I LOVE IT. Carach Angren’s newest album pretty much feels like someone is reading you a story; some kind of European Gothic you were forced to read in high school but just made a flip book on the corner pages instead. If you’re into symphonic black metal or like, stories about ships and ghosts, you will most likely enjoy this album. Also, if you are into hilariously off-kilter lyrics having to do with spices, you will really be in for a treat. Just trust me on this one.
SONG TO BAKE SOME FUCKING CAKES TO: “VAN DER DECKEN’S TRIUMPH” (Fast forward to 2:10 for the spice and Indian trade love)



Death Angel – Relentless Retribution
Ye-AHHHHH, Death Angel! Yet another band I didn’t really pick up on until this album came out. So, one of those pleasant surprises again when I heard a handful of songs make it to The Devil’s Dozen on Sirius XM Liquid Metal. And hey, you know what the initials “D.A.” also stand for? DUMBLDORE’S ARMY ZOMG HARRY POTTER 7:1 WAS MIND-BLOWING.
SONG HARRY POTTER WOUDLN’T PROBABLY BONE GINNY TO: “CLAWS IN SO DEEP”