THE HOTTEST CHICK IN METAL BRACKET: ELITE 8, ROUNDS 1 & 2

The competition is starting to get stiff.  For the first two rounds of our Elite 8, we got a little help from the hottest chick of the Metal Injection Livecast: Miss Noa, as well as the sorcerer who made that pretty pretty logo up there, and knows a thing or two about hot bitches as well: Jayson Shenk.

ELITE 8, ROUND 1: ATSUO MIZUNO (BORIS) VS. DALLAS COYLE (EX. GOD FORBID)

Choosing a hot chick in the metal scene never really had anything to do with musical integrity or talent which is why I decided to chuck those values out the window when choosing between Diva Dallas (God Forbid) and Mysophobic Mizuno (Boris). Yea, so figuring out between a butch chick who can beat the shit out of me if I judge too hard or a chick who could possibly infect me with tapeworm is a daunting task. Atsuo Mizuno might have better hair than me (as do all asian girls), but she is lacking in the curves department (as do all asian girls). I also don’t take too kindly to chicks who wear gloves indoors. Hands are the first feature that catch my eye and if I cant see your hands, you don’t exist to me. While I’m on the hands subject, have you seen the way Dallas fingers her fretboard? Man, that chick can really dominate her guitar. God forbid she should make up her mind though about her musical career. But aren’t all chicks indecisive? Dallas is just keeping us on our toes, she’s having her way with us. And if I had a penis, I would have my way with her. WINNER: DALLAS COYLE.

—Noa, Metal Injection

Ok, here’s the thing. She may not look as hot as she did 10 years ago, but I really have a thing for chicks with short hair. Also the raccoon eyes and the nipple rings don’t hurt at all. Dave is way hotter. WINNER: DAVE NAVARRO.

—Jayson Shenk, exurban.net

Domo arigato, Atsuo and Ms. Chamberlain.  Better luck next time.  Find out who else makes the semi’s this afternoon!