REIGN IN BLONDE : ELISE’S BEST OF 2009

ELISE’S BEST OF 2009

So here we are. This is the end of the line, everybody. 2009 totally flew by for me. It seems like only yesterday that I was falling asleep on some random person’s staircase on New Year’s Eve 2009. (Hmm..let’s not do that again.) But this year’s been such a blast. RiB took off to a level that far exceeded my expectations, I met a ton of cool new people, and of course…heard lots of great music, and saw some killer shows as well. I’ve been a music fan for a long time, but this is actually my first time doing an “obligatory” top 10 list. I feel kinda like David Letterman right now. A lot of these lists have been posted on other sites/publications already and people have been pouring on some serious haterade. I assume the same will happen with mine. I honestly appreciate the diversity, though. I’ve rolled my eyes at a few lists, myself, but at the end of the day…people need to just like what they like, and move on with their day. My taste isn’t “cool.” I’ve accepted that a long time ago. After all, I’m not an elitist…I’m an Elise-ist. (snort! snort!) Ok, enough putzin’ around. A big thanks goes out to everyone who made this year as great as it was…and without further ado, congratulations to the winners:

#10) God Dethroned - Passiondale: If I had to sum up Passiondale in three words or less, I’d probably go with something like: BLOOD! DYING! GRRRR!!!! But I guess that’s the kind of stuff you’d expect from an album about an epic World War I battle. Passiondale brings you right on the battle lines with fast drums that feel frantic and ferocious, along with some guitar solos and clean vocals that are more sympathetic and elegant. It’s a hands-on history lesson….kind of like Colonial Williamsburg, only less gay. FAVORITE TRACK: “NO SURVIVORS”

#9) HORSE the Band - Desperate Living: I’m laughing right now. Why? Because I know I’m about to get so much crap for putting this on here. I’m that girl who will take VERBAL SHITS on all the elitist bullshit and has-been thrash “gods” that are runnin’ around out there…but I will sit here and put HORSE THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ BAND on my top 10 list. I’M. AWESOME. And you can all suck it. That said, HORSE the Band might not be your thing, but I like them lots. I’ll admit I grew a little tired of them after The Mechanical Hand, but I think they struck some (Lord) gold on Desperate Living. They appear to be back to their old “nintendocore” tricks, but there’s some other shit going on on here that baffled and excited me to levels of extreme dorkitude. At various moments throughout this record, I began to wonder if HORSE the Band were channeling Brian Eno? Or Europe? Or have they perhaps been spinning a little Computer Love? …and what’s that piano solo doing in there? I’m not really sure, but the Horsemen have once again succeeded in bringing out the little kid in me. Sometimes I just like my shit to be silly. Whatever, HORSE the Band clearly don’t even take themselves seriously, so why should you?. There’s a song called “Rape Escape” on here, for Pete’s sake. FAVORITE TRACK: “SCIENCE POLICE”

#8) Alice in Chains - Black Gives Way to Blue: Black Gives Way to Blue turned out to be a bit of a time warp for me. Way back when, I was tucked away in my bedroom in upstate New York, doing my homework while listening to bands like Alice in Chains. I may live in the ghetto now with a bunch of smelly ass roommates, but this album takes me back to a much simpler time. Layne is gone, but Jerry Cantrell proved that he still knows how to bang it out, and man those riffs. <3 FAVORITE TRACK: “PRIVATE HELL”

#7) Between the Buried and Me - The Great Misdirect: Oh yeah…NAILED. IT. BTBAM pulled a sneak attack on me with this one. I had no idea it was even coming out until a few days prior to its release date. SURPRIIIISE! Despite being one of those people who has a lot of difficulty getting into really loooong songs, BTBAM never seem to let their shit drag. One second you’re drumming on your lap, the next you’re gushing over the pretty vocals and guitars. I also gotta give it to these guys for totally tricking me into thinking I was listening to Mr. Bungle for a second. That sort of mimicry tends to be appreciated ‘round these parts. I just wish they released this earlier in the year so all this end-of year-list bullcrap wouldn’t have overshadowed them so much. FAVORITE TRACK: “SWIM TO THE MOON”

#6) Coalesce - OX: If I had to make a list of bands that I’d like to see go away for about 10 years, Coalesce probably wouldn’t be on it. But if that’s the kinda time they needed to produce this little gem, then I say it was time well spent. In the past decade, these cute little white boys took a large dose of soul….the kind of soul that smacks you around until you’re on the floor with a bloody lip. Thanks for not wussin’ out on us, Coalesce. Keep that shit violent. FAVORITE TRACK: “IN MY WAKE, FOR MY OWN”

#5) Insomnium - Across the Dark: Awwwww….Elise haz a saaaad. I so adoringly refer to Insomnium, along with all these other “metal bands to be cold to,” as emo metal. As someone who also likes regular emo, ::dodges thrown stones::, I have to admit it’s relieving to find “sad music” that’s not totally wussy. Insomnium are your big br00tal blankie when you’re in your deepest, darkest, pit of emotional despair. Ain’t nothin’ gonna hold me down, you big bullies! Now if you’d excuse me, I’m going to go in the corner and cry. FAVORITE TRACK: “LAY OF THE AUTUMN”

#4) Converge - Axe to Fall: Whoa whooa whooooooaaa….Converge made a good album? Well when has that ever happened, amirite guys??! So maybe calling these dudes the next Black Flag was a bit of a stretch, but every time I listen to this beast, from the moment that riff on “Dark Horse” starts…my heart is beating out of my chest. The whole album is relentless, and it just doesn’t let up. I’m kind of glad they threw the two slow tracks in at the very end, almost like a cool down. Breathe in, breathe out…….::applause:: great workout, everybody. See you next class! FAVORITE TRACK: “REAP WHAT YOU SOW”

#3) Skeletonwitch - Breathing the Fire: After continued listens of this album, I realized that Skeletonwitch are more than just some totally br00tal blackened thrash band that can play super duper fast…in fact, their music is actually downright pretty. Move over, Justin Timberlake. Your crotch shakin’ ain’t got nothin’ on the swoon-worthy guitar parts on this record. I’m still mad at myself for jumping on the Skeletonwitch bandwagon so late. When I first heard of them a few years back, I for some reason had it in my head that they were some Helloween sound-alike. I had no fucking idea why so many people were talking about a “dumb power metal band.” When I finally listened to Beyond the Permafrost, I realized what I had been missing out on. Well, better late than never, I suppose. My heart is aflutter for these dudes. I can’t wait to hear more. FAVORITE TRACK: “RELEASED FROM THE CATACOMBS”

#2) Mastodon - Crack the Skye: I almost despise myself for including the “Spin Magazine pick” on here, but I love this album too much. Truth be told: Mastodon have never been a favorite of mine. I always thought they were good, but none of their previous works ever brought me as much emotional satisfaction as this one has. Everything just makes perfect sense. The songs are so fluid, but there’s still little surprises around every corner. Crack the Skye is an album that prepares you for takeoff with flawless musical builds and nasal-y vocals that are as equally exciting as they are comforting…as if to watch Winter’s first snowfall while you’re inside with your hot cocoa and footie pajamas. FAVORITE TRACK: “THE CZAR”

#1) The Devin Townsend Project - Addicted: That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. The top prize goes to Devy! I honestly wasn’t too stoked to listen to this record after his earlier 2009 release, Ki, didn’t seem to do much for me. But holy shit, this album is incredible….so incredible that it was really hard for me to go back and listen to anything else for the past few weeks. After a few spins, I realized that as much as I got into this, I was actually really surprised that so many of you did, also. It seemed like one of those albums that people would make fun of me for liking. Something was just oh so slightly weird about it….but what? It eventually came to me over Thanksgiving weekend: this album is fucking gay. I don’t mean that as a bad thing, of course (It’s my #1 album of the year, after all), but Devin definitely seems to have brought out his faaaabulous side this time around. It’s not Rammstein-stupid-lyrics type of gay, it’s more you’re-my-gay-best-friend-and-there’s-nothing-wrong-with-that kind of gay. If the danceable rhythms or the belt-y vocals don’t sell you on this notion, I have actually already consulted a friend of mine who prides herself on her vast knowledge of “gay music,” and she could not agree with me more. Now, I’m not saying we’re going to hear the new girly version of “Hyperdrive!” on American Idol this coming season, or that the cast of Glee will serve up their own rendition of “Bend it Like Bender!,” (you’re picturing it now though, aren’t you?), but I am tickled to pieces that Devin Townsend has managed to bring a little homo-nerdery into our beloved tuff dude genre. My two worlds are finally at peace. So for all you fellow Addicted fans out there, I’d like to give you a warm welcome to TEAM PEEN. I’ve been a member my whole life, and we’re all glad to have you aboard. FAVORITE TRACK: “IH-AH!”

Honorable mentions:

Amorphis - Skyforger — Beautiful…and done so effortlessly.
Napalm Death - Time Waits For No Slave — Napalm Death are seriously like hip hop for me. I got my hands in the ayyuuuhhhhhhh.
Baroness - Blue Record — Big ups to the beard, yo.
Every Time I Die - New Junk Aesthetic — Nothing will ever top Hot Damn! for me, but this ain’t bad.
Eluveitie - Evocation I: The Arcane Dominion — Anna Murphy is probably my favorite thing about Eluveitie, so I was stoked to hear her take charge on this more folk/acoustic release. I guess this technically isn’t a metal album, though….oh well.
Behemoth - Evangelion — Nergal 1, Satan 0.
Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures — A definite toe-tapper. I just wish I had heard this before I saw them.
Kreator - Hordes of Chaos — Of all the albums that came out this year from old school thrash bands…this one’s the best.

Albums I wanted to hear, but never got around to:

Moutheater - Ornament
Magrudergrind - Magrudergrind
Black Breath - Razor to Oblivion
They Might Be Giants - Here Comes Science
Om - God is Good
Black Cobra - Chronomega
Dysrhythmia - Psychic Maps
Pissed Jeans - King of Jeans
Gnaw Their Tongues - All the Dread Magnificence of Perversity
Chuck Mosley - Will Rap Over Hard Rock For Food — Ever so curious..?
Tombs - Winterhours
Katatonia - Night is the New Day
Swallow The Sun - New Moon

Favorite non-metal albums:

Say Anything - Say Anything — Ohhhh Max Bemis, you’re such a clever motherfucker. I hate everyone, too…but certainly not you, mister.
Tegan and Sara - Sainthood — In a world of Beyonces, Lady, Gagas, Angela Gossows or whoever else….I’ve never found any females in music more relatable than Tegan and Sara.
The Temper Trap - Conditions — Totally adorable and romantic.
Brand New - Daisy — Once you can look past the Twlight-girl screams, you little emo heart will break for this band.

Favorite shows:

The Dillinger Escape Plan @ The Studio at Webster Hall
Tom Jones @ Terminal 5
Gojira @ Gramercy
Pig Destroyer, Brutal Truth, Repulsion @ Brooklyn Masonic Temple — Even though I probably sweated out most of the memories I have of it.
Gojira @ Music Hall of Williamsburg
Satyricon @ Irving Plaza
Mastodon/Converge, etc @ Hammerstein Ballroom
Skeletonwitch @ Union Pool

Favorite cheesy pop singles:

Justin Bieber - “One Time”
Ke$ha - “Tik Tok”
Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne - “Down”
Sean Kingston - “Fire Burning”
Lady Gaga - “Bad Romance” — If I could give an award to Lady Gaga’s ass alone, I would.
Shakira - “She Wolf”

Favorite baldie: