WIKIHOW TACKLES A “HOT TOPIC”

I’ll admit that when I was very young, long before I ever listened to anything even slightly alternative…the Hot Topic at my local mall used to freak me out a bit. I never wanted to go inside. (Not that my mother would even let me.) It was dark, there was bloody imagery all over the place, and the music was always blaring. Didn’t seem like the place for me. But now that I’m older, wiser, and have more finely trained ears, I know that Hot Topic is nothing but a place for suburban teens to go and “express themselves” with terry wristbands and Spongebob Squarepants t-shirts.

But if you’re the still the type to get a let a wittle place like Hot Topic freak you out, wikiHow’s got you covered. They’ve published their very own guide to the mall goth hot spot called “How to Not Be Afraid of Hot Topic.” It’s quite a read. Here are some choice excerpts:

Remember! Hot Topic is just a store that uses red and black interior and very loud music. It is very normal. If you still feel uncomfortable, start easing up to it by going to darker stores. Keep getting darker until you’ve made it to Hot Topic level.

The goths/punks/ravers/ect are normal just like you and most likely will be nice if you return the favor. People are people, regardless of appearance.

Try not to walk in wearing all Abercrombie, or a polo and khakies. It makes it very obvious you’re a newbie. And while most shoppers and all the salespeople won’t care, you will occasionally meet the ignorant poser who thinks it’s cool to trash somebody else’s style.

This one’s my favorite:

Remember: because of their hair, scene kids can only see out of one eye. If you find yourself in a knife fight inside a Hot Topic, always circle to your opponent’s blind side.

SRSLY. I also love the Google ads that are fed into this article: “Gothic dresses at ESPRIT.” lolwut. Read the whole thing here.

Anyone have a Hot Topic “horror story” to share?

-Elise