I CARE A LOT: MY WEEKEND WITH FAITH NO MORE

It still feels weird to say it, but… I SAW FAITH NO MORE. Not even just that…I SAW FAITH NO MORE THREE TIMES.. A feat some might call crazy and obsessive, but the fact of the matter is that in terms of Faith No More fans, I am amongst the younger of the bunch. Angel Dust came out when I was seven, if that gives you any idea. So, I never even heard of them until towards the very end of their first run. I figured I’d never see them in a million years, but then I flipped a shit when rumors started spreading that they were reuniting back at the very end of 2008. (Yes, it was THAT long ago when all this started.) They played in London and the Download Festival that following June, and it was one big agonizing waiting game watching them schedule more dates all over Europe, South America, Australia and wherever the fuck else before they finally revealed they were doing US dates. I wanted to go to the San Francisco shows in April, but they were smack dab in the middle of the week, and uhhh….I have this thing called a JOB, so it really wasn’t going to work. But then the unthinkable happened: July 5th at the Williamsburg Waterfront. I got my ticket the second the presale opened. But then the EVEN MORE unthinkable happened: two more dates. One more at the Williamsburg Waterfront on July 2nd, and one in Philadelphia on July 3rd. Three show all right here in the Northeast. Two of which I did not even have to leave the city I live in to get to. I knew I had to go to all of them. This was never going to happen again.

And so, I did go to all of them. So now I invite you to read all about how I spent my Independence Day weekend with my favorite band in the entire world. I don’t really feel much like writing a long, drawn out essay on each show, so a lot of this will be whatever random thoughts popped in my head throughout each evening. Ready? Let’s begin:

NIGHT 1: WILLIAMSBURG WATERFRONT 7/2/10:

Lots of excitement in the air for this show. It was my (and many others’) first time. My friends and I went out and pregamed beforehand and we talked much about the songs we were dying to hear. We also discussed how Billy Gould has teased some sort of “special song” that would be played at one of these shows. I got way into the whole idea of there being some big huge surprise and wondered aloud if the Great Pumpkin himself, Jim Martin would make his triumphant return. (It didn’t happen) But whatever, I was excited.

My friends and I arrived at the show a bit late. I wasn’t really interested to torturing myself and waiting through all of their opening acts. It seriously must be the toughest job in the world to open for Faith No More, because that crowd is definitely not going to give a crap about you. The rest of the evening went a little something like this:

—The band had a special shirt for the East coast leg of this tour, so I snagged it:

It had the three dates listed on the back. They sold out of these pretty quickly. They also had some limited edition SIGNED posters, but I opted out of getting one.

—Holy crap there were some creepy ass dudes in this crowd. If I was ever unsure before, I definitely knew now that I liked “ugly people music.”

—SO MANY old school Faith No More shirts being worn to the show. This is usually seen as a no-no, but it was kind of cool seeing all the old designs.

—Rahzel’s set was boooooring. I can appreciate the guy in actual SONGS, but just listening to him for about an hour aimlessly doing all that stuff with his mouth was so useless.

—I had missed Neil Hamburger’s first set, but he came out again for a few minutes before Faith No More finally came out. I had literally never heard him before in my life, but I found myself appreciating the whole “it’s not funny so it’s funny all over again” schtick. Most of the crowd wasn’t into it, but that’s expected.

—The main event was finally starting. A friend and I hung out on the side, not all that close. As soon as as the band starts walking out on stage, said friend yells FUCK IT! I’M GOING UP FRONT!! I pause, and answer I’M GOING WITH YOU!!!!!

—In some delightful pastel-colored suits, they play their “Reunited” cover. The crowd roared when Patton walked out. As soon as he opened his mouth to sing, I had a total Elvis fangirl swoon-y moment. It was kinda like OMG HE REALLY DOES SOUND LIKE THAT. Not that I was expecting him not to, but still, there he was. ::girly squeal::

—It was clear right away that the crowd was legit. Everyone was singing along and looked blissfully happy. It might have been the weed though…

—Everyone flipped a shit when “From Out of Nowhere” started. I love that blowhorn thing. Patton’s gotta have his toys.

—“LAND OF SUNSHINE!!” It’s the song everyone wants to hear. Seriously, who doesn’t love that song? If you’re reading this, and don’t think that’s a bangin’ song, get off my blog and don’t come back. You probably like Chimaira.

—I know my buddy Gary Suarez of MetalSucks fame was really happy to hear “Evidence.” He claims that he will make a baby to that song one day. To my knowledge, no one at the show was impregnated that evening.

—I slowly got closer and closer to the front, I was right in front of the speaker on Jon Hudson’s side. I could literally *feel* every single bass note. And I don’t mean that in some sort of erotic way. It was actually just sort of….strange. Bass is a big part of this band.

—They have cute banter, but never too much of it. They mentioned how they got to look out at the beautiful NYC skyline and we had to look at their ugly asses. The Empire State building was lit up in red, white and blue. They joked it was just for them. (Of course it was.) “You guys get to live here!!!” (#srsly)

—Jon Hudson is hot. I do not give a crap that he is not Jim Martin. Jim Martin is an asshole. He is also gross. LONG LIVE JON HUDSON.

—I got so excited when they played “Surprise! You’re Dead!” and “The Gentle Art of Making Enemies.” Those are my jams.

—I wasn’t really surprised to hear them play “Easy” but I was when they played “I Started a Joke” too. I’d have preferred less covers and more of *their* stuff.

—Lots of slow jams overall. I desired more PUNCH.

—They closed with “Just a Man.” Swoooooooooon.

—While waiting for the encore, everyone started a B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E chant. The band came back out and Roddy was all WE HEARD SOME CHEERLEADERS OUT HERE! Oh Roddy, you’re so gay. I wuv you.

—Hearing “Chariots of Fire” into “Stripsearch” is fucking beautiful. I think there were some tears in the crowd.

—When they finally started playing “Be Aggressive,” I realized I had found my way into the “whore” section. Drunk girls were jumping up and down all around me. Lots of boobs. Bouncing boobs. I rolled with it. It’s a song about giving head, for pete’s sake. I love how many dudes are not ashamed to scream I SWALLOW! I SWALLOW! I SWALLOW! Or maybe they still don’t know…Here’s a video I found:


—Shit, a second encore! “We Care a Lot” topped off the evening and it ruled. I was glad Chuck Mosley was nowhere to be found. After seeing those San Francisco videos, I had completely written him off.

Here is the full setlist:

Reunited
From Out of Nowhere
Land of Sunshine
Caffeine
Evidence
Surprise! You’re Dead!
Last Cup of Sorrow
Cuckoo for Caca
Easy
Midlife Crisis (with Sir Duke)
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
Ashes to Ashes
I Started a Joke
King for a Day
Epic
Just a Man

Encore 1:
Chariots of Fire theme
Stripsearch
Be Aggressive

Encore 2:
We Care a Lot

Over the course of the evening, I was really conflicted at times with whether or not I wanted to rock out, or just stand there in awe. It was a great show, but the setlist could have been a bit better. Friends and I theorized the Monday show would be crazier. Also, where was the “special song??


NIGHT 2: THE MANN CENTER, PHILADELPHIA, PA 7/3/10:

I have not been to Philadelphia since I was really young, so I don’t even really remember it. I never realized how easy it was to get to Phlly from New York. Just two connecting trains and you’re there in 2.5 hours. Not totally unbearable. I luckily had a Philly buddy to meet up with, since none of my NY friends felt like making the trip. Here’s the lowdown:

—Just like last night. There are TONS of old school FNM tees. People are showin’ these shits off. Kinda wish I could have…

—Wow, weirdo factor is up WAY higher than last night. I salute you, Philly creeps.

—Why are Faith No More playing in a seated venue? I mean, it was nice, it was outside, it was breezy. But this is the sort of place the NY Philharmonic plays….not Faith No More.

—The crowd REALLY turned on Neil Hamburger this time. I guess that was the point though. He kept throwing his drink at one heckler in the very front. It was pretty funny. But damn, it was mostly all the same jokes as the night before…could not deal.

—Another round with Rahzel. He was up there for what seemed like forever. Ugh, we know you were on the Peeping Tom album. A lot less people cared about that project. Get over it.

—FINALLY the band started. Patton was in silver this evening. The rest in black suits.

—Patton stage dives during “From Out of Nowhere.” YES! Finally some antics! It was clear that Mikey had a bit more energy than he did last night.

—A lot of the same songs from the night before, but the band was on fire. They sounded amazing. It was better than the night before.

—I made sure to let my eyes wonder to all members of the band (and not just Mike Patton). Billy slays that fucking bass. It’s almost erotic. (PLUCK ME?) Oh, and Roddy. He is too cute.

—The Mann Center were really into their crowd control. I was sitting all the way to the left side, and there was room to stand near me. So people kept wandering over and trying to hang out there. Every few minutes, the security guard would come over and check tickets. I was where *I* was supposed to be. Fuck those guys.

—They brought out Rahzel to beatbox during “Chinese Arithmetic” and it was pretty dope. See, Rahzel? You sound good in SONGS.

—One of the funniest moments of the night was when they played their cover of “Ben” by Michael Jackson. Patton approached a rather large man in the front section (who he called his “Cheesesteak buddy”) and rode on his shoulders around the crowd. I took a picture:


—They close once again with “Just a Man.” But Patton let his curiosity get the best of him this time. There were rope-y stage ladders on either side of him (used for getting up to the lights.) Patton climbed one of these on my side of the stage and finished the song from up there. But…..uh oh:


I thought I was about to watch Mike Patton plunge to his death. But no, he got down ok. He climbed down slowly and took off his shirt in the process. (WOO!)


—Only one encore this time. They played “DIGGING THE GRAVE!!” It was one song I was really stoked on hearing at some point. The guy standing right in front of me had weirdo interpretive moves to the song. “You left the door open wiiiiide.” During that line he’d mime opening an imaginary door, and promptly slam it shut. Right on, dude.

I left the show on a total high. It was better than last night. Something about them was so ELECTRIC tonight. Patton was a total loose cannon. Plus the sound was really good in that venue. (No wonder the NY Philharmonic play there!) Also, there was a nice breeze on me the entire time. It was the entire package. Here’s the setlist:

Reunited
From Out of Nowhere
Be Aggressive
Caffeine
Evidence
Chinese Arithmetic (featuring Rahzel)
Surprise! You’re Dead!
Last Cup of Sorrow
Easy
Midlife Crisis
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
Ashes to Ashes
Ben
King for a Day
Epic
Just A Man

Chariots of Fire/ Stripsearch
Digging the Grave

But the real adventure began AFTER I left the show…With all the traffic and whatnot, my friend managed to get me back to the Philly train station a comfortable 30 minutes before the last train was supposed to leave. So I pottied, I got a snack, I took a load off, etc. I got on the midnight train. I was totally on track. I switched in Trenton. Everything was going smoothly. I was totally content with the fact that I’d be getting back to Penn Station around 2:30 am and would just take a cab back to Brooklyn, and be in my house by 3 am. I’ve stayed out that late plenty of times before. It didn’t seem like a big deal. But then…tragedy struck.

My train was just leaving Newark station. I thought to myself YAY ALMOST THERE! Nope. Just as the automated announcement thingy said that the next stop would be Seacaucus, the train came to a screeching halt. Someone had pulled the emergency brake. This had never happened to me before, so I didn’t know what was going to happen. But I soon found out: WE WERE STUCK….FOR 2 HOURS. Mind you, it’s about 2-3 in the morning, and I’m in a sweaty, smelly train car. Everyone was pretty calm at first. But then one guy behind me was all “MAN…THIS IS GONNA TURN INTO SOME LORD OF THE FLIES SHIT.” Oh jeez. There were two guys from the show a few rows up from me, so I went and talked to them to pass the time. There was also this really loud, funny lady walking around offering people candy. I took one, and hoped it wasn’t laced with acid. After two hours, they finally hooked some sort of diesel engine thing to the train which pulled it back into Newark station. I’m like, uhhhhhh now what? Well, luckily there was a PATH train waiting across right there as well. Almost everyone at that point jumped the turnstiles and got on. Once I was finally back in Manhattan, I took a cab home. I walked in my door just after 5 am. I felt disgusting so I took a shower. Right after that, I fell onto my bed and passed out. I spent my entire 4th of July in bed. At least I can say the show was good.


NIGHT 3: WILLIAMSBURG WATERFRONT 7/5/10:

NYC was enduring a heat wave. It was legit high 90’s all day, so I was not stoked to stand outside for this show. On top of that, the L train was not in service. I live in Brooklyn, so I was ok, but anyone coming from Manhattan/Jersey was very much effected by this. There are a number of other routes one can take, but that damn L train is the one you want to get out there. Stupid MTA. They make me late for work at least once a week, so I’m not surprised they pulled this crap. Everyone I know seemed to still get there just fine, but DAMN it was hot. Talk about suffering for the band you love. A friend and I hoped this would at least mean Mike Patton was going to get naked on stage tonight. (He didn’t…oh well) I missed pretty much all the opening acts this time around. The line getting in was ridiculous. But there were good vibes in the air. Everyone seemed stoked. And away we go:

—They were offering different limited edition signed posters this evening, and I thought they were pretty badass. They came in yellow, blue and green. I went for green:


—I was up towards the front for both previous shows (on either side) so I hung towards the back this time around. This may have been mostly because it was so hot. But it was nice, actually. I got to watch them, and also a lot of the crowd. Take it all in…

—The band took the stage, and Patton was wearing all red this time. It’s nice to see that he dresses up for his crowd, even if his crowd undoubtedly looks like crap every single night. They didn’t play “Reunited” this time but rather “Midnight Cowboy.” It was a nice surprise. Then they went right into “The Real Thing.” I was pretty glad I got to hear that, too. So much build in that song. I love it.

—A couple songs in, they began playing another diddy I hadn’t heard on the other nights. It was “The Crab Song.” It was so random. Mostly because it was a Chuck Mosley-era song. I’m guessing this was the “special song” they had been teasing. But it was clear almost no one in the crowd knew it. But then Patton stage-dived at the end of it. So everyone was back in the game.


—I heard more of a lot of the same songs I had heard previous nights, but it was still awesome. Those guys have the most amazing stage presence. I was glad I got to see them this one last time.

—Why is Mike Patton the best singer ever? He really is. Nails it every time.

—I have poo-poo’d Album of the Year a bit in the past, but having consistently heard the jams from that album on all three nights, I really came to appreciate them even more. I still don’t think it’s their best album, but I’d say it’s sort of like the cigarette after sex: not as good as what came before it, but it still feels good. I mean, everyone knows Faith No More can “rock,” but those songs added amazing texture to each set. They’re much more atmospheric and soothing than their other songs. “Ashes to Ashes” was definitely one of my favorites to sing along to all weekend. “Smiiiiling with the mouth of the ooooceeeeeaaannnn.” It feels so victorious every time. Speaking of, they never played “A Small Victory.” WAAAH

—Patton briefly thanked everyone at one point for coming out in the heat, claiming it was “bullshit.” The band asked if any of us were seeing them for the first time. About half the crowd yelled.

—During the encore, I flipped my shit. The beginning notes to “As the Worm Turns” started and I squealed. It is one of my favorite songs by them, and they rarely play it. I got so excited, I started singing too early. Oh well.

—Neil Hamburger came back out and said the band would play one more song if we all chanted Smash Mouth about 200 billion times. I have officially gone over my Neil Hamburger quota. GET OFF MY PLANE

—They played a second encore consisting just of “Stripsearch.” When they finally left the stage for the last time, I knew I had witnessed something really special. This was the oddest setlist of the bunch, and was definitely aimed towards more die-hard fans. Patton told us he hoped to see us again. I’m pretty sure no one left that night not wanting to see him again. But uhhhh….yeah PLZCUMBAK.

Here’s the full list:

Midnight Cowboy
The Real Thing
Be Aggressive
Land of Sunshine
The Crab Song
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
Last Cup of Sorrow
Chinese Arithmetic
Easy
Midlife Crisis
Digging the Grave
Ashes to Ashes
Ben/Edge
King for a Day
Epic
Just a Man

I Started a Joke
Worm
We Care a Lot

Stripsearch


So obviously, I appreciated every moment of this weekend. But I was blown away when I saw that a member of the band had shown his appreciation as well. Roddy Bottum wrote on his blog: “show wise, the Wburg Waterfront was kind of unstoppable. as far as sheer drama and beauty and performing enjoyment i found it to be one of the highlights of my career.” <—Awwwwww Roddy! I wish he was my friend. For reals. That is so sweet. Read the rest of what he had to say here.

Now that it’s all over, I’m finding it hard to really express what the weekend meant to me. But after Monday’s show, my friend, whom we call “Stabitha” round these parts, wanted to let me know that Faith No More were always a band she liked, but after seeing these shows, she feels like she finally “gets” them. Homegirl came out to the Friday show just to “check it out,” and left on an ultimate high. She ended up hunting down a ticket for Monday’s show because she knew she wanted to experience it again. She left again profoundly moved. “It’s like realizing someone that’s just always been around is actually totally hot and that you have to have them.” I felt like a proud mother.

Many don’t understand why Faith No More could ever achieve “favorite band status” because the only song they know is “Epic” and they completely write them off as a rap/rock band. But, if you’re reading this, you know that was just one chapter. Sure, they did that for a while, but then after listening to songs like “Stripsearch” or “Just a Man,” it’s easy to see they have soul, too. They were never tied down to one style. This is the problem all of their followers had. People like Fred Durst *only* wanted do rap/rock, and it just came off as as a joke. Meanwhile, Faith No More could play a Bee Gees cover to a room full of metalheads and it was always spot on genius.

Many could say the guys are just doing these reunion shows for money. But I say nah uh. Because even if that’s the main motive, you can tell they are at least having fun in doing so. (The Pixies sure ain’t!) Faith No More were as on their game as they were in 1992. It was like they never left. Mike Patton had the biggest grin on his face for all three shows. It’s obvious that this band is the most special to him. I understand he wants to go off and do all his weird shit, and by all means, let him! But he loves this. And we love him.


So what did we learn here….?

—Was it awesome? Yup.

—Was it worth it calling them my favorite band all these years? Sure was.

—Did I get to hear everything I wanted? No…but who did?

—Will I ever care about any other band this much? Nope.

—Will these ever be a post on this blog as long and obsessive and mushy? Doubt it.

—Do I often sing or whistle just for fun? You bet your ass.

To Mike, Mike, Billy, Roddy & Jon: Thank you for the amazing weekend. You were worth every penny.

-Elise