Well well well, looks like the love bug is going around these here metal parts. Wedding season is typically in the spring/early summer months, but I guess that cheesy pretty shit doesn’t fly for us. Getting married in the DEAD OF FREEZING COLD WINTER? Sounds like a pretty brutal idea, or perhaps a new song title idea for Mayhem… OR rather, Behemoth?
Couple #1: Nergal and Polish popstar Doda. In the summer we heard about this bizarre romance, but now rumor has it that the two are engaged. ENGAGED. I understand the excitement of being with someone completely opposite than yourself. But these two strike me as extremely different as can be. I guess they both like music… and… Poland?
Couple #2: Trivium’s Matt Heafy sealed the deal this past weekend in home state of Florida. Yay! -and that’s all I’ve got for you.
Couple #3: Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood got engaged too. Alright, then. I’m gonna be honest with you- I like Evan Rachel Wood, and I don’t completely dislike Marilyn Manson. But these two have been on and off and I don’t think their future looks too bright. Plus, she and I are the same age, and I can’t imagine dating or marrying someone who’s old enough to be my dad. If she gets pregnant it’ll be EPIC. Marilyn Manson as a DAD?!? THAT I’d LOVE to see.
Well bros, go ahead and kiss the bride, but try not to smudge her makeup. Or yours.
-Julia
Explaining the obvious is quickly becoming my style. Remember that Polish POP star Doda? The one who is/was dating Behemoth’s very own Nergal? Well, I may have offended some people by calling her “pop” instead of “pop-rock”, that she’s less of Poland’s Britney Spears and more of an Avril Lavigne type. I DON’T GIVE A PUCK. Let’s break it down, “pop” is sort for “popular.” What’s popular is played on the radio and (if you’re lucky) television. Therefore, rock and all other genres can be considered “pop” if they are popular with majority. Britney Spears, Avril Lavigne, Doda, Breaking Benjamin, fuck, NICKELBACK are all POP. Feel me?
I feel better now, so let’s talk about Pantera, yes? Metal Hammer just released the tracklisting for their Dimebag Darrell tribute disc. Overall, it looks pretty killer. A lot of good bands and a lot of stuff I’d be curious to hear, but there’s just one little dud on the list. Check it:
1) ZAKK WYLDE
SUICIDE NOTE, PT. 1
2) MACHINE HEAD
FUCKING HOSTILE
3) MALEFICE
I’M BROKEN
4) AVENGED SEVENFOLD
WALK
5) EVILE
CEMETERY GATES
6) FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH
A NEW LEVEL
7) BIOHAZARD
MOUTH FOR WAR
8) SYLOSIS
STRENGTH BEYOND STRENGTH
9) CHIMAIRA
SLAUGHTERED
10) UNEARTH
SANDBLASTED SKIN
11) THROWDOWN
BECOMING
12) KIUAS
THIS LOVE
13) THIS IS HELL
RISE
The A7X track is actually one of the only one’s I’ve heard before, and it’s not that they butcher it… it’s that it’s just A7X doing “Walk” no more no less. It’s kinda like listening to Pantera if Pantera was lame. My take is to not give a pop/pop-rock (pop-metal? Is there really such a thing?) one of the greatest (and my personal favorite Pantera song) metal tracks of all time to record. On the plus side, Evile doing “Cemetary Gates”? Nice.
-Julia
Ever since Julia informed me that Nergal of Behemoth was dating some cheesy Polish pop star named Doda, I’ve taken a small interest in her. Jezebel just posted some pictures from last week’s MTV Europe Music Awards and you’ll never guess who was there…..or what she was wearing:
Perhaps the title of “The Polish Britney Spears” isn’t quite as on point as “The Polish Lady Gaga.” Here she is, “unmasked” …..
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Just when I thought Julia and I were the most boy-crazy-metal-dude-lovin’ chicks on the internet, I came across another blog called Dillinger’s Run which has a feature titled “Extreme Metal Hunks.” Why am I bringing this to your attention? Well, this blog just so happens to be written by a dude, an allegedly heterosexual dude who has let his boy crushes go as far as even planning dream dates with these guys. Check out some of these excerpts:
Troy Sanders (Mastodon) - “…the two of you journey together discussing things such as anthropology and the latest Bruce Willis film, Surrogates - which you both agree did the job it set out to do and was enjoyable despite any complaints about the trailer giving away most of the film’s plot.”
Chris Barnes (Cannibal Corpse) - “He offers you weed…..Sure, you’re nervous at first but it all comes naturally. As you breath deeply you a great “power” fills you and the thought hits your head: this is a the dankest dope God could make.”
Nergal (Behemoth) - “He makes polite conversation about about the pricing of leathers now a days, you laugh at the ratio of his witty remarks against his broken english.”
Mike Patton (Faith No More, Fantomas, etc.) - “He tells you to meet him in the park - more like commands you to do so - and so you do……Yeah. You will get to fuck this guy later tonight.”
But of course, I only tease this guy because I think he is absolutely hilarious. Keep up the good work, dude. If you’re reading this, feel free to email me. Perhaps you could help plan a date for my girl crush and I.
-Elise
