THE AMERICAN IDOL TOP 12’S PAPAS WERE NOT ROLLING STONES

I think some of you are going to be really proud of me when I say this: AMERICAN IDOL SUCKS THIS SEASON! Seriously. I’m usually so into it despite its utter gayness, but this season BLOWWWWZ. At this point in the game, I usually have people I love and people I hate, but not this time. Everyone is either really bad or just ehh. On top of that, Ellen DeGeneres is doing a pretty bad job as judge, and Kara DioGuardi needs to STFU and let Simon talk more.

That said, I’m still a girl who loves a theme, so I’m probably going to keep tuning in to see what songs they’re going to tackle each week. Last night the top 12 conquered The Rolling Stones catalog. The show as a whole wasn’t a total train wreck, but I did sorta dry heave a little during this performance of “Paint it Black.” (Song starts just past the 1 min mark.) Oddly enough, the judges seemed to like it. Please tell me I’m not crazy. This is bad, right? Make it stop :( .

-Elise

WANNA HEAR AN AWESOME LIVING COLOUR COVER????

Well, you came to the wrong place.  Fast forward to the :55 mark to see what I mean.

The lulz just never stop on this show.  Thank you, American Idol.

-Elise

P.S. Yes, that is Avril Lavigne as the guest judge for this episode.  Yes, she is wearing a hoodie with devil horns on it.  Yes, she is 25 years old.  And no, she is not a fan of grownup clothes.

LONG COATS ARE NOT GENRE-SPECIFIC

Shania Twain was the guest judge on American Idol last night, and it felt like I traveled straight back to 1997….because after all these years, that ho is STILL wearing those stupid long coats.  Remember this little number from the “That Don’t Impress Me Much” video?

After a couple minutes, I remembered someone else who likes to dress like she’s in the trenchcoat mafia: Tarja Turunen.

Wouldjja look at thaaat.  Ain’t they cute?  She’s a little bit country…she’s a little bit rock n roll.  I think this calls for a swap meet!

-Elise

P.S. I didn’t even attach the video, but you totally have that Shania song in your head now, don’t you?

CAN THE HATERZ AND HEADBANGERZ UNITE FOR A COMMON CAUSE?

A few days ago, I did a post about how a member of Hollywood Undead is competing on American Idol this season.  That’s right, kids.  I broke the news.  In a few days, when those big-timers at Blabbermouth finally do a post on it, you’ll know you heard it here first.  Anyway, I got some flack from some fans in the comments.  I realized some people sort of missed the point of my post, and that I myself failed to see the bigger picture surrounding this whole situation.

First of all, I was never trying to say that a member of Hollywood Undead can’t be a good singer.  Daniel Murillo is probably a GREAT singer.  I’d assume as such, if he managed to make it past any level of a competition like this one.  Hollywood Undead are simply a band that the majority of the metal community perceives as comically awful, and to think that one of their dudes will be on AI…is just even funnier to me.  If you like them…fine, but this is my site and I can make fun of them if I want to.  Also, a commenter pointed out that masks do not make someone a bad singer.  This is also true.  Masks don’t make anyone bad at making music…they just make them look even dumber while doing it.

So let’s all agree to disagree here.  Listen to the music you want to listen to and move on with your day.  But you have to admit the presence of a member of a band like Hollywood Undead on American Idol, aka THE #1 SHOW IN THE COUNTRY is something bit special to behold.  If Daniel Murillo, in fact, makes the semi-finals (which is when the LIVE, viewer-voted shows start), here’s what we gotta do: VOTE FOR HIM!!!!! As someone who is such a huge fan of metal, American Idol, Vote For the Worst, and hating on bad music…I have never seen a more perfect opportunity to bring all of these things together for one common goal.

You’re not sold on this, are you?  Well, here’s a list of reasons WHY YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR DANIEL MURILLO, whether you’re a fan of his music or not:

1. If you’re a Hollywood Undead fan….don’t you wanna support your dude? No matter what he does??  C’mon guys, HU4L!!!!
2. So many of you HATE American Idol.  You hate the music, the competition itself is a bit contrived by the producers, and it’s super “gay.”  So wouldn’t it be funny to fuck with it?
3. We’ll have our very own Sanjaya!  Daniel probably won’t be as bad, but still!  He’ll be ours!
4. HE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE GOOD.  Think about it.  You hostile metal fans can hate him for being a member of HU and being a pop star.  Hate, hate hate…yay!
5. We can save him!  He made a conscious decision to leave HU and try out for the show.  If he fails, he’ll probably have to go back to them.  Just think, you could help save a citizen of this great country of ours from ever having to return to such a terrible band.
6. If he at least makes the top 10, he’ll go on the American Idols tour.  Maybe he’ll sing HU covers and make the little girls cry.  I’d go just to see that.
7. Contestants get to have friends sit in the audience.  I will die laughing if Charlie Scene rolls up in that joint.
8. YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO WATCH THE SHOW.  I’ll tell you guys the number to call.
9. It’s Simon Cowell’s final season on the show. Don’t you wanna piss him off one last time??

So if all goes well, and Mr. Murillo makes it to the voting rounds…we can make this happen.  I’ll just need your help.  This is our big chance!!!!  Who’s with me???

-Elise

MEMBER OF HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD TO COMPETE ON AMERICAN IDOL

Oh yeah, you read that correctly.  This is not a joke.

Ok, everyone.  January is almost upon us, which means only one thing to me:  AMERICAN IDOL IS BACK!!!!!!!  I love this damn show, and I’m sure people despise me because of it….but this crap is like football season for me, so let’s get our head in the game:

In addition to the multitude of metal, music, fashion and gossip sites I read, I also follow a fair share of blogs devoted strictly to American Idol.  Recently, these sites have been buzzing with leaked info on contestants that have made it past certain levels of the competition for the upcoming season.  Today, mjsbigblog posted the deetz on a fellow named Daniel Murillo.  They sure dug up the dirt on him: pictures, social networks, Youtube links…you name it.  As it turns out, Mr. Murillo used to be a member of a band called Lorene Drive.

That’s him with the stupid thing on his lip.

Read More

…NO EXPLANATION NEEDED?

You missed your decade, bro. Your 15 minutes are ticking away faster than Yngwie Malmsteen can shred.

-Julia

IDOL ON THE ROCKS, PLEASE

My favorite reality competition show is currently in its off-season, but the news sure has been piling in lately.  Much to my dismay, Paula Abdul was recently given the axe from the judge’s panel, supposedly over money issues.  Idol is now filming auditions for next season in various cities and they’ve been bringing in all sorts of random celebrity guest judges to fill Paula’s spot like Victoria Beckham, Shania Twain, Kelly Clarkson, and, wait for it…..Joe f’ing Jonas.  Gag me.

Now, let me just say that I am well aware that my worlds are somewhat colliding right now.  Most of you who frequent this blog probably have never even seen 30 whole seconds of this show in your life, and (like most of the rock community) probably have some bullshit IDOL IS EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THE WORLD moral belief.  To which I say….it’s just a fucking TV show.  It’s entertaining and funny.  It involves music.  It gets songs to SOAR to the top of the iTunes charts ($$). Get over it.

Besides the clear lack of rock songs actually sang on the show, the rockin’ population refuses to embrace Idol.  Now, as someone who used to sing (yes, in public), coming into a competition like this and seeing THE MIDDLE JONAS BROTHER WHO USES A FLAT IRON sitting before me to decide my fate, is not very encouraging.  There are so many other better people we could get to do this.  Idol has big cracked out Paula shoes to fill.  Let’s round up the usual suspects:

Slash

He actually was the guest ‘mentor’ (not a judge) for last season’s Rock Week.  (If you could even call it that— one contestant sang a Beatles song. YAWN!)  Anyway, he was clearly just invited because he’s…Slash, and proved to have no more personality than a bag of hair.  Not a very good judge pick.  NEXT!

Scott Ian

Yeah, I know.  He’d never do it in a million trillion years.  The guy just oozes with hatred of popular music.  But he’s always on VH1, and plays celebrity poker…why the hell not?  HE’D BE SO MEAN!  Simon would dig him.

Dee Snider

I can’t believe this hasn’t happened yet.  Dee is one of the most posi people in the biz.  He could continue the cheerleader position right where Paula left off.  Plus, it’s about time they let a Jew in.  Apparently, other people agree.

Some others….

Boring people they’d probably consider asking: Ozzy, Steve Tyler, Gene Simmons

The image in my head, alone, is priceless: Dio, Andrew W.K., Lemmy, Fred Durst

I guess we’ll I’ll see.

-Elise

AMY LEE IS A ROBOT

It’s my turn to weigh in on this.  Why I am doing a post on Evanescence is beyond me, but here it goes…

Since yesterday’s news broke about how former Evanescence members are teaming up with American Idol finalist Carly Smithson, Amy Lee has decided to throw in her two cents:

There’s some pretty weird stuff flying around right now and I’d like to clear up some confusion in the press. As our fans already know, Ben Moody left Evanescence in 2003. Evanescence came out with a follow-up to Fallen in 2006. It was called The Open Door and it debuted at #1 on the Billboard charts and reached platinum status in just over a month. The Open Door has sold more than 5 million copies worldwide. We’re currently working on new material that I’m extremely excited about. I believe that to make great music you have to give yourself the freedom to evolve. I don’t see the point in making the same record twice, so I always want to challenge myself to make something better, stronger, and more interesting than before. That takes time, but it’s worth the wait for me. Hopefully, it will be for the fans too. Look out for new music next year…

As we can see, Amy Lee has indeed been writing….A PRESS RELEASE.  Whether or not I like Evanescence (I don’t), and whether or not it is annoying to type that band’s long, stupid name (it is), does not change the fact that this girl is a raging BITCH.

Yes, Amy, let’s hear you brag about your millions some more.  I’m really sure your original members had absolutely nothing to do with that.  How ungrateful can you be?

-Elise