What's our deal?
Reign in Blonde [noun; plural] - Two tall, blonde chicks who bring the metal. We're not know-it-alls, and we don't report the news. This is our blog where we simply discuss what's on our brutal minds. Bon Appetit.
STARRING
Julia Scorpio, 22
Elise
Leo, 24
WITH APPEARANCES BY
Angela Gossowski
Libra, 24
METAL ELITE
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Why do the assholes in the world seem to find the most perfect material to fuel their hatred? How many terrible chick bands will just fall into my lap, just BEGGING for me to taunt them? I almost feel bad for making fun of chicks as much as I do. Almost. Curious as to what I have stumbled upon? Well, here we go:
Well y’all, 2010 is half over, and we gals figured, why wait until the end of the year to make a list that you can all rip us apart on? So we all got together and made our own lists of top 3 albums that we’ve been diggin’ so far in 2010. Not surprisingly, we all chose different stuff. Think you know what we like? Check ‘em out below, and then proceed to tell us how ‘gheey’ we are in the comments.
It’s the first week of June here in the suburbs of De-twat, yet it feels like late fucking July. My air conditioning is running, there’s sweat between my boobs, and bugs are slowly making their way into my bedroom via some godforsaken hole I’ll never be able to find. I wish this shit would have held off a couple more months. But it hasn’t. And neither has my utter disdain for this Summers metal tour line-ups. Do you guys remember when Ozzfest was fun, then got gay? I SO looked forward to that tour. I didn’t give a fuck who played. Summer festivals are a time to enjoy the weather, get drunk for 14 hours with complete strangers, and hopefully hear good music while doing so. I STILL look forward to Summer tours, but this year…WHAT GIVES? OH. MY. CHRIST. The line-ups are a goddamn joke. As a matter of fact, if Mayhem Fest came out the day before the tour started and said, “Surprise! That previous line-up was a big ol’ funny, here’s the real deal!” I would be relieved. On that note, here is a run down of this Summer’s tours with commentary on just how much I think they suck.
Hey, you guys remember when I went to Scion Fest and I woke up topless? Well believe it or not, I went there with a purpose OTHER THAN drinking and making an ass of myself. I went there to interview Landmine Marathon! And I DID! Except there was a little mishap, and to save time typing (which means more time later for drinking) a couple things went wrong and the interview had to be redone. So here we are, a couple months later and finally getting to posting this. Thank a lot to these guys and gals for keeping it real, educated, and all around metal. Below is a rendition of our chat…redone…via email. Enjoy.
Originality is a bitch these days. Movies, television, music, you name it; everyone is “borrowing” from someone or something else. But then again, this is coming from someone who just makes fun of peoples’ careers all day. So pretty much I am a giant hypocrite with a wealth of followers. That makes no money by doing so. PLEASE PAY US. I PROMISE TO MAKE YOUR DICK BIGGER. What were we talking about again? OH YEAH. MUSIC.
Lets try a little excersise. If you just recently purchased a new puppy, what would you call it, and how would you go about picking the name? If you watch cartoons, and you name it Brian, then you should probably shove a pistol down your throat. If not, then you’re in the clear. That’s a metaphor of how I usually feel about bands who steal their names from other bands songs. I mean, seriously…you bands can’t think of ONE thing that’s NOT from something everyone else already knows? You suck at life. I’ve met retards with more originality. Look at Lady Gaga. Or Al Gore.
When I was compiling this list, I noticed a trend that you kids didn’t get to see. Most of my list was cut due to the fact that a majority of the bands who have stolen their names are wastes of space, time, and money. And they are also screamo, deathcore, or one of those other microgenre’s that escapes me at the moment. So overall, completely dreadful.
This intro is way to long, so lets just get into this shit. I’d like to take the time and either build up or tear down the groups who have decided to make a living through names they have taken from another bands song. I was kind enough to invite some of metal bloggings finest writers to contribute, so make sure to remember: if something isn’t funny, it most certainly wasn’t written by me. #srsly
Dude. Instead of beating around the bush, I‘m just getting right into it: Avalanche of Worms is a goddamn masterpiece. I’m pretty terrible at giving technical reviews of anything, mostly because my ability to use big words has been eliminated due to the copious amount of drugs I have done over the years. So this is just a rough round-up of my feelings/thoughts on the album.
Well looky here, y’all. We’re raiding the panties of another blog for a change! The fine young chaps over at The Number of the Blog have asked us to participate in an upcoming episode of their blogcast. While we work out the details as to when this whole thang is gonna go down, make sure to head on over to TNOTB and submit a reader question.
No need to give you guys any question suggestions. We’re sure you’ll make this as perv-y as possible all on your own. Hit us with your best (cum) shot.
-RiB
I feel like shit today. My head hurts, I ate Mexican yesterday which is DESTROYING my asshole, and I spent the entire $40 I had to my name on Coors Lite and Megatouch last night. However, there is one thing that’s making me smile, and that is Tangents. What the fuck is Tangents, you ask? Tangents is the side project of Derek Kerswill, drummer of Unearth, Seemless, Kingdom of Sorrow, and maybe other stuff I’m too lazy to look up.
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Saturday, March 13th, 2010. Scion Rock fest. Ohio. Growing up not far from the home state of the Fuck-eyes, I went into this experience only slightly excited. It had nothing to do with the festival itself, and everything to do with Ohio smelling like tar and looking like shit. So I am very pleased to say that this review has almost nothing bad to say about the state of Ohio, nor anything bad about Scion or the fantastical bands I was able to catch. Instead of writing 5 pages of the days events, I shall make a time line of activities and happenings of my life for that day.
We finally got around to answering another batch of these. Check out the answers below. Ask more here.
