Reign in Blonde [noun; plural] - Two tall, blonde chicks who bring the metal. We're not know-it-alls, and we don't report the news. This is our blog where we simply discuss what's on our brutal minds. Bon Appetit.
Uh, so when Elise first posted about this band, I really thought they were just another new band to make fun of for a second and that was it. But as I was walking through the mall this weekend, I passed by Hot Topic and noticed that right next to their “Free Weezy” t-shirt was an ENTIRE DISPLAY of Black Veil Brides shit, and posters everywhere advertising their album. The fact that they’re in Hot Topic doesn’t shock me, but the extent to which their being advertised there set me back a second cause that means… they have an actual audience. People LIKE that CRAP?
I have full confidence in you to watch for yourself, but if you want to save yourself the idiocy, it’s like Poison meets Attack Attack! with a hint of My Chemical Romance (which is nothing I’d ever be interested in) and this whole androgyny thing isn’t intriguing at all. It just makes me think you’re a bunch of weirdos. There was a time for that, and it was called 1984. I’m afraid to know what tweens (AND teens for that matter) are listening to these days…
Why do the assholes in the world seem to find the most perfect material to fuel their hatred? How many terrible chick bands will just fall into my lap, just BEGGING for me to taunt them? I almost feel bad for making fun of chicks as much as I do. Almost. Curious as to what I have stumbled upon? Well, here we go:
Many of you already know that I’m not into bashing bands that are already made fun of too much. I enjoy the Juggalo stuff because at least those kids are consistently bringing us new material to chuckle at. But bands like Nickelback, Limp Bizkit, Attack Attack! or Brokencyde (who are obviously not rock’s “finest”) are constantly ragged on. I mean, we get it…they suck. Can we move on now? Nope. Many continue to beat that dead horse, with no end in sight. Hope that’s fun for y’all.
Anyway, I’m definitely a fan of anyone who’s willing to step up and voice the minority opinion on something. This time it’s Damian “Pink Eyes” Abraham, the jolly frontman of hipster hardcore jam Fucked Up. Having admitted he was equally repulsed as the rest of his when he first heard/saw crunkcore sensation Brokencyde, Pink Eyes revealed to Exclaim! TV that he actually had some degree of respect for the band. Claiming they were “the most DIY band today,” Pink Eyes gives a nod of approval to how Brokencyde break down all of their own gear and even profit share with their crew. Now, I’ve never been in a touring band or anything, but I’m guessing this is something not a lot of people do. Word up, BC13. Way to keep it crunk, and considerate.
No one’s saying they’re musical gods, but if you’re going to still bust on them…at least now you know they “suck” on their own merits, and not under some corporate machine. Amirite?
At any rate, from the interview above, they seem like decent enough dudes. I probably wouldn’t trust them with my daughter or anything, but they ain’t hurtin’ nobody.
Ever find yourself on the internet? In a place you didn’t expect to be? (If not, try googling your name and see if what comes up is actually you. If nothing, get out more) I was originally scheduled to see 6 or 7 Phish shows this summer, but thanks to my new job and hence, new work schedule, I had to bail on all but one. That one was Canandaigua, NY just last week.
We know it’s not exactly my idea of a good time, but all in all it wasn’t THAT bad. I’ll give it to the hippies, they make for some EPIC people watching, and the fact that we had real seats as opposed to the lawn was clutch. But I digress. Behold, “bundangbear” the hippies answer to Jose Mangin. I guess.
At about the 1:57 mark you can catch myself (with the flower in my hair. Gay, I know), The Beardo (in orange) and a couple of our friends quickly walking past the freakshow to our right. Enjoy?
-Julia
P.S. On another weird music note, I had a dream last night that I went to see Kittie and they opened the second half of the show with a cover of Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry”. What does it mean?
It’s the first week of June here in the suburbs of De-twat, yet it feels like late fucking July. My air conditioning is running, there’s sweat between my boobs, and bugs are slowly making their way into my bedroom via some godforsaken hole I’ll never be able to find. I wish this shit would have held off a couple more months. But it hasn’t. And neither has my utter disdain for this Summers metal tour line-ups. Do you guys remember when Ozzfest was fun, then got gay? I SO looked forward to that tour. I didn’t give a fuck who played. Summer festivals are a time to enjoy the weather, get drunk for 14 hours with complete strangers, and hopefully hear good music while doing so. I STILL look forward to Summer tours, but this year…WHAT GIVES? OH. MY. CHRIST. The line-ups are a goddamn joke. As a matter of fact, if Mayhem Fest came out the day before the tour started and said, “Surprise! That previous line-up was a big ol’ funny, here’s the real deal!” I would be relieved. On that note, here is a run down of this Summer’s tours with commentary on just how much I think they suck.
Jason over at The Gauntlet recently did a post on this, and I found it completely necessary to bring it over here as well. Because….damn.
I first heard of Black Veil Brides as part of Metalsucks’ Shitstain series. They’re a shitty, gothy, new-school screamo type of thing, so obviously I never saw the need to pay attention to them. But this picture was the first I ever saw them up close. I thought, oh good…another buncha dudes that look like girls. But then I discovered…at least one of them IS a girl. Or so I think, at least. Here’s the breakdown of BVB’s members:
Andy Six - Vocals —second from right
Jake Pitts - Lead Guitar —middle
Ashley Purdy - Bass —far right
Jinxx - Guitar —far left
Sandra Alva - Drums —second from left
I think we are safe to assume that both Jake Pitts and Jinxx are indeed males, based on their names alone. Ashley is very likely a girl. But the two that are really making me scratch my head are Andy and Sandra. Andy could be a boy’s or girl’s name, and he/she looks kind of girly, but I’m not really sure. Then there’s Sandra, who I would assume is a girl because of the name, but…I’d actually have to say she(?) isn’t quite as girly as she maybe could be..? Maybe she’s just a little “butch.” (Yes, that’s ‘butch’ for this band.) It’s all just so confusing. Many of us like to make fun of guys that look like girls, but what about girls that look like guys that look like girls? Oof. I’ve definitely spent more time wondering about this than actually listening to their music. I guess that’s one way to get someone’s attention…
I’m not gonna lie. Sometimes I wonder if people mistake me for a dude because I’m so tall. Especially if I have my hood up and am dressed really casual. I don’t think it’s entirely impossible. I hope they’d at least think I was a ‘pretty’ boy.
Anyway, Black Veil Brides are currently on tour with Metalsucks fav Vampires Everywhere! They have a new album coming out next month. I bet each and every one of you are gonna rush out and go get it. Check ‘em out here.
**UPDATE!!! A source has revealed to me that Sandra is indeed the only girl in the band. Whoa…
I love it when little glimpses of awesome make their way into everyday life. There’s a Chinese food place in Syracuse that we love because A) the food is bangin and B) the kids (literally the owners kids aged 7-12) are always there working the register and taking orders. When I walked in to get my order yesterday, an amazing conversation ensued between one of the kids and another customer. Observe:
Dude: Yo, can I just get two eggrolls?
Kid: Yeah, $2.60… What’s the ring? (looking at Dude’s hand)
(The Kid goes back to his computer, but the Dude leaves and returns 2 minutes later)
Dude: Hey, do me a favor and look up the Grateful Dead on YouTube
Kid: …Eh, I don’t feel like it.
Dude: (stunned) C’mon…
Kid: Fine… (Kid looks up GD on Google Image) The OLD GUY?
Dude: Well, yeah. They’re all old now, but-
Kid: What kind of music is it?
Dude: Do you know what a “jam band” is?
Kid: Epic fail.
The kid had the sarcasm and wit of a 20-something, and I got to watch him take down a hippie and manage a restaurant all at the tender (estimated) age of 12. Rock on, little boy New Garden, rock on. SLAAAAYYYYYEEEERRRRRRRR!
Originality is a bitch these days. Movies, television, music, you name it; everyone is “borrowing” from someone or something else. But then again, this is coming from someone who just makes fun of peoples’ careers all day. So pretty much I am a giant hypocrite with a wealth of followers. That makes no money by doing so. PLEASE PAY US. I PROMISE TO MAKE YOUR DICK BIGGER. What were we talking about again? OH YEAH. MUSIC.
Lets try a little excersise. If you just recently purchased a new puppy, what would you call it, and how would you go about picking the name? If you watch cartoons, and you name it Brian, then you should probably shove a pistol down your throat. If not, then you’re in the clear. That’s a metaphor of how I usually feel about bands who steal their names from other bands songs. I mean, seriously…you bands can’t think of ONE thing that’s NOT from something everyone else already knows? You suck at life. I’ve met retards with more originality. Look at Lady Gaga. Or Al Gore.
When I was compiling this list, I noticed a trend that you kids didn’t get to see. Most of my list was cut due to the fact that a majority of the bands who have stolen their names are wastes of space, time, and money. And they are also screamo, deathcore, or one of those other microgenre’s that escapes me at the moment. So overall, completely dreadful.
This intro is way to long, so lets just get into this shit. I’d like to take the time and either build up or tear down the groups who have decided to make a living through names they have taken from another bands song. I was kind enough to invite some of metal bloggings finest writers to contribute, so make sure to remember: if something isn’t funny, it most certainly wasn’t written by me. #srsly
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