MISS NORWAY IS MIS-INFORMED

Elise and I are WAY stoked for the Miss Universe pageant tonight. It’s the ultimate in pageantry- I mean, HELLOOOO Miss UNIVERSE here. While we wait and see whether or not our own Miss Usa falls during the evening gown competition for the third year in a row (see also: Thing 1 and Thing 2), there’s another element to this competition that sets it apart from all others: THE NATIONAL COSTUME.

Curious as to whether any of them are any semblance of metal, of course I go check out the reigning Miss Norway Eli Landa… homegirl must be confused. Eli, you are from Norway, the world capital of church burnings. Don’t you think you should be wearing something more along the lines of this?:

Just sayin. I predict that she doesn’t make it past the first round. Gotta rep your country boo. And that Hansel and Gretl shtick you’re trying to pull ain’t foolin me. I know better.

-Julia

HOT METAL DUDE MAKEOVERS

According to Reign in Blonde’s Analytics, our most viewed post is a list we concocted on who we think are the hottest dudes in metal.  I found this rather funny.  So considering that all you dudes are just THAT concerned with this subject, I’m going to offer a couple more names.

Since composing that list, I’ve noticed that there are two men in metal who have altered their appearance in such a way that make them now eligible for my list.  Julia, as we all know, likes her men hairy, and she’s not the only one.  But I tend to steer things in the opposite direction: the less hair, the better.  Here are my addendums:

Satyr (Satyricon)

The last image I pretty much had of Satyr before seeing Satyricon this past February was the typical long-haired, snow white-skinned Norwegian black metal dude.  The video for “K.I.N.G.” off their last album, Now, Diabolical didn’t exactly make me want to throw myself at him.  But when Satyricon took the stage at the Nokia Theatre that night (promoting their newest album, The Age of Nero), I was dazzled by Satyr’s new slicked back haircut (which he has apparently had for a while now, whoops).  He also had no corpse paint on, so he was just daaamn handsome.  A friend of mine pointed out that he kind of looks like a Nazi, but hey, who have those people ever pissed off?  Yo Satyr….your ‘Black Crow,’ my ‘Tombstone?’  Ehh?

Jon Hudson (Faith No More)

Ok, so most people were pretty pissed when they found out that Jim Martin wasn’t going to be participating in the Faith No More reunion.  Replacement guitarist Jon Hudson isn’t quite considered the true FNM guitarist.  But as pictures and video began to surface of their recent shows in Europe, I was struck by one major thing: There is now a bald man in Faith No More. If you read this blog regularly, you know that this makes me very very happy.  My favorite band has now achieved ultimate perfection:  1.) Mike Patton, 2.) Fabulous rhythm section, 3.) Cool gay dude, and 4.) HOT ASS BALD MAN.  Yay’s all around.

It’s amazing what a difference a little trim can make!  Now, I’m not saying all you beasts out there should get a hair cut (I’m not your damn mother), but…it might be worth a shot.  :)

-Elise