CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS ARE METAL… OR PLASTIC

Found this little gem around the interwebs just now and I must have it. Reminds me that I need to start collecting some ornaments so I can make my own little mish-moshed metal Xmas tree someday. I don’t think I’d mind putting these on my tree either:

How do you put the metal into YOUR holiday cheer?

-Julia

BLACK METAL CROCHET; SASHAY

I’m waiting for my pumpkin cheesecake to get out of the oven and I found this cute wittle guy over at good ol’ BuzzFeed. Maybe you could all try making one of these this weekend while you’re ignoring your dad yell out dramatically incorrect Jeopardy answers. And then you could give it to Abbath when he comes back to the US this Winter. I’m sure he’ll love it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

-Elise

BARACK OBAMA IS BLACK…..METAL

I found this little guy over at Heavy Street, and at first I just saw it as some cute little thing someone made to be like LOOK! THE PRESIDENT IN CORPSE PAINT! HARDY HAR HAR! But homeboy ‘Sat’ sees it as some sort of political statement. 

We all know black metal supterstar Varg Vikernes is a bit of a douche. He hates the Jews (ahem!), hates the gays, and definitely hates blax. So is seeing someone like Barack Obama in the black metal “uniform” an effort to show that not all black metal fans are racist/homophobic/anti-Semitic assholes? Maybe. Then again, I could play devil’s advocate and say it’s a way to show that someone as liberal as Barack Obama can be every bit as ignorant as the Varg-man. Take it as you will.

Whatever, I think the bottom line here is that pretty much all politicians are douchebags. So get out and vote, STFU and pay your damn taxes, buy a box of condoms, and go and enjoy your life. Don’t worry about those idiots. 

The other bottom line? Everyone looks retarded in corpse paint. Not just the president.

-Elise

HAPPY (PREMATURE) FATHER’S DAY!

I know it’s not for another week, but I didn’t want to let this one go. Courtesy of our brohans at The Number of the Blog, watch this little diddy. Predictable, but adorable. Wait for it during the last five seconds.

For all you metal dads out there, and those who aren’t (shout to my Luther Vandross/Aaron Neville lovin’ padre, Steve!) Happy father’s day!

-Julia

BLACK METAL ‘CLARITY’

Just found this little treasure over at the Washed Up Emo blog.  I’m not sure if this is old, but looks like Jimmy Eat World have jumped on the ironic-metal-merch bandwagon along with Tegan & Sara’s black metal-inspired shirt and John Mayer’s tour crew shirt.  (Any others out there? Send them my way!)

I’m sure some die-hards are going to be offended by this kinda thing, but whatever.  I like making fun of this aesthetic, too, so if other people wanna join in….by all means!  Plus, these are emo kids we’re talking about here.  If they wanna quit crying for a second and have a laugh, let them.

That said, I really like Jimmy Eat World’s old stuff.  ::wipes tear::

-Elise

SOUTHERN BLACK METAL LOLOLOL

I’ve never been very secretive about not being the biggest-est-est fan of black metal.  But I get it…I know where it comes from, I understand the meaning behind it.  Blah blah blah…

Anyway, I was recently tipped on this band, Dark Metamorphosis, who are a black metal band from….wait for it……South Carolina.  My buddy Jayson had this to say about them:

Ok… This is a new thing. I am telling you about it first. Southern Black Metal is officially a thing! From the frostbitten wasteland of South Carolina comes these guys. This is more terribly recorded than Winter Realm, but I am totally digging it. These guys threw a riff in here that made me think one of them listened to Electric Wizard one time. Judged by the standard of Wolves in the Throne Room, this is pretty bad. Judged by the standard of I love shitily recorded black metal, it’s awesome!

I can’t help but wonder what these Carolina hottiez have to be so sad about, but I’m with Jayson….this really isn’t the most terrible thing I have ever heard.  But it’s still just…..funny.  Someone needs a hug.

-Elise

METAL. MOVIE. MAYHEM.

Who’s got two thumbs and loves movies? THIS GIRL.

Two movies to report on today, the first being “Until The Light Takes Us,” a documentary on the origins of Black Metal in Norway. MetalSucks wrote about this a couple days ago, and to be honest I was shocked that I hadn’t heard about it until then. Documentaries are my FAVORITE, so needless to say documentaries about metal are almost as good as an endless buffet of broccoli for me. Almost. For us New Yorkers, it releases on December 4th at Cinema Village. For more info on the film, and to find out when/where it releases in your area go HERE.

Second, the new Lars Von Trier film “AntiChrist”. I feel like a sicko cause it seems that I’m the only one dying to see it- and because all the press mentions the graphic genital mutilation and I still want to see it. One reviewer called it “the most shocking film in the history of Cannes.” MUST. SEE. THIS. MOVIE.

Anywho, I loved LVT’s “Dancer in the Dark” (you know, the one with Bjork, where she wore the infamous swan dress to the premiere?), and this is his first venture into horror so I am quite intrigued to see how it is. Plus I’m a Halloween baby that is a sucker for a good scary movie.

I’ll probably end up going alone, but it’s cool. At least I’m not seeing Saw 6. SIX, PEOPLE. Enough already!

-Julia

DO YOU NEED A RATIO TO GET IN?

I don’t know if I’m totally behind and out of the loop on this, but apparently there is something called a “Metal Frat” at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor.  Basically, it’s a big ass house that puts on shows all the time.  It’s not so strange, considering I went to a college that was pretty big on basement shows….but I’ve never heard of an entire frat devoted to such a thing.  This probably isn’t school-sanctioned, is it?  The video above is a band called The Swellers doing a cover of Nirvana’s “Lithum.”  Looks pretty fun!

What’s next?  A black metal frat?  Oh wait…

-Elise

DIMMU BOR-BLAH BLAH BLAH

I’m sure this isn’t the first place you’ve heard about the recent “break-up” of Dimmu Borgir. BUT for those of you who that aren’t exactly the fastest car on the lot, DB fired their bassist/vocalist ICS Vortex, and keyboardist Mustis. Something tells me that these guys are gonna be alright and find pretty good replacements, but I feel kinda bad for the dudes that got left behind. If you two are reading this, you can come drown your sorrows in a bottle of Bud with me in Brooklyn whenever you like.

BUT, the other band “break-up” that’s been all over the presses the past couple days is Oasis. Noel Gallagher left the band on the eve of their 15th anniversary celebrating the release of their debut album. Everything I see of this story is that fans are mourning, the music community is “shocked”, and what’s their future?

I say, “WHO CARES.” I know nothing about Oasis or any of their albums, but I know from being a human being with an interest in pop culture that those two bros just don’t get along. This is about as shocking as finding out that cigarettes will kill you. Yawn.

Metal news is starting to pick up though, thank God. Think it’s because it’s getting colder?

-Julia