Reign in Blonde [noun; plural] - Two tall, blonde chicks who bring the metal. We're not know-it-alls, and we don't report the news. This is our blog where we simply discuss what's on our brutal minds. Bon Appetit.
Someone linked me to this ‘Metalliblog’ guy recently, pointing out what an asshole he was. Homeboy did a big long ass post on how nice/mean some people from bands were when he first met them. He has a rating system 1-10, and then gives some notes. At first I thought this was kind of douchey, as if he was expecting every single person from every single band to kiss his ass. But then as I read through a lot of his ratings, I realized that a couple of his assessments are actually quite funny. Here are a couple highlights:
—Willie Adler (Lamb of God guitarist) - Another humorless, ugly douchebag in the band. Doesn’t seem to care that fans are waiting to meet him until after he’s cried over his wife in Virginia, who’s probably fucking the local milkman. Little brother to Chris, who is far more humble and polite. Gave me flack for taking a picture too long. 2
—Rob Barrett (Cannibal Corpse guitarist) - No complaints here really. Will take pics for fans. Friendly enough, but has a weird girlfriend, or perhaps she was just a New York groupie, so he shouldn’t be blamed for having no taste in females. 7
—Matt Pike (High on Fire singer and guitarist) - Man, who decided to give this guy a bong? Totally wasted and incoherent pothead/drunk. Slobbered on my shirt when taking our pic together. Seems like a party, but might take it too far. Sloppy-looking and fat, he loves to perform shirtless and may cause you to lose your lunch. Friendly and playful, just don’t feed him after midnight. 9
Check out the rest here. If any of you ever meet me, I expect you all to do the same thing this guy did. Srsly.
I have a bone to pick with the people over at Google Maps. Me and some kids made our way out to the Crazy Donkey in Farmingdale for the big Cannibal Corpse Evisceration Plague tour this past Sunday, and were lead astray by the usually trusty Google Maps app on our iPhones. According to those dbags, THIS IS WHERE THE CRAZY DONKEY IS. Does that look like a venue to you guys? No? That’s because it’s someone’s house. On a dead end street. Ugh.
We finally figured out where the hell we were going in time to see Skeletonwitch Snugglewitch plays about 40% of their last song. Damnit. Curse you, Google Maps. But we were at least in time for 1349, who were making their big debut on this tour after being held up by that big stupid doo doo head volcano in Iceland. For once I felt like I could relate to these guys….ya know, the whole struggling to reach our destination thing. Hmm…what else do we have in common? Well….we’re all white, and we all breathe oxygen, and uhhhh….I’m out. At any rate, they sounded pretty good, and Ravn (who I recently interviewed here) seems to be in pretty good shape. Maybe he’s been Master Cleansing.
Here’s a clip from Youtube of 1349 playing one of the new jams:”When I Was Flesh.”
Their new album Demonoir is out now. Check out the remaining dates on their MySpace.
Just when I thought Julia and I were the most boy-crazy-metal-dude-lovin’ chicks on the internet, I came across another blog called Dillinger’s Run which has a feature titled “Extreme Metal Hunks.” Why am I bringing this to your attention? Well, this blog just so happens to be written by a dude, an allegedly heterosexual dude who has let his boy crushes go as far as even planning dream dates with these guys. Check out some of these excerpts:
Troy Sanders (Mastodon) -“…the two of you journey together discussing things such as anthropology and the latest Bruce Willis film, Surrogates - which you both agree did the job it set out to do and was enjoyable despite any complaints about the trailer giving away most of the film’s plot.”
Chris Barnes (Cannibal Corpse) - “He offers you weed…..Sure, you’re nervous at first but it all comes naturally. As you breath deeply you a great “power” fills you and the thought hits your head: this is a the dankest dope God could make.”
Nergal (Behemoth) - “He makes polite conversation about about the pricing of leathers now a days, you laugh at the ratio of his witty remarks against his broken english.”
Mike Patton (Faith No More, Fantomas, etc.) -“He tells you to meet him in the park - more like commands you to do so - and so you do……Yeah. You will get to fuck this guy later tonight.”
But of course, I only tease this guy because I think he is absolutely hilarious. Keep up the good work, dude. If you’re reading this, feel free to email me. Perhaps you could help plan a date for my girl crush and I.
I meant to post this yesterday…but I’m bringin’ it to you now.
Lots of folks in the NY region were a bit put off when they heard about the death of George Weber, an ABC radio newsman. In a bizarre ‘Craigslist Hookup Gone Wrong,’ 16-year old John Katehis apparently pulled out a knife and stabbed Weber to death.
Katehis’ MySpace page was eventually tracked down and it turns out that this guy was super into metal…..and knives. He listens to Dimmu Borgir and Marilyn Manson. Above, you can see him in his Cannibal Corpse t-shirt…..and holding a knife. He really likes knives. In another picture (before the page was taken down), he was pictured in a Lamb of God t-shirt. Hey Julia, I got a guy for you…..
Anyway, this whole thing is so weird to me. It’s assholes like this that give metal a bad name. I mean…hey, look at Julia and I….we listen to this shit and we don’t collect deadly weapons or brag about how green our absinthe is. We came out alright! Right?
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