RiB’S METAL MENORAH: NIGHT 5

Shalom metaloids! Tis the season and since between the two of us we have 1.5 Jews we decided to put together a little something for (C)Hanukkah. This is Reign in Blonde’s Metal Menorah, and every night we’re lighting a candle in honor of someone who deserves some recognition. So grab your lighters Jews and Gent(ile)s, it’s Metal Menorah time! Tonight’s Honoree…

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THE END OF METAL AS WE KNOW IT

Oh boy. The powers that be are experimenting with a new vodka… that comes in pill form. Awesome at first thought, but really… I can’t handle everyone OD’ing at once. IT’S GENOCIDE I TELL YOU! GENOCIDE!

-Julia

TO MASTODON, WITH LOVE

Dear Mastodon,

I’m very excited to see you tonight. Did you know tomorrow is my birthday? Oh, you forgot? It’s ok. I’m on a margarita kick lately *nudge*

You’ll know where to find me and Elise. Break legs, not necks. See you sooooon!

<3 Julia

CAN YOU SAY “BRUTAL BOOZE” 5 TIMES FAST?

I love:

1. Metal
2. Booze
3. Halloween

I don’t mean to state the obvious here, but I love it when all three can come together so well. If I may, let me present you with a lovely Halloween treat- in liquid form: BLAVOD

Oh yes, BLACK VODKA. I’ve had it before (but not in a while) and I thinking that this Halloween I should bring it back into my life. It tastes like regular vodka, but will make your screwies look like swamp water. And how metal is it that a shot of it is called a “Black Eye”? Maybe it’s enjoyed by BLACK Sabbath, The BLACK Dahlia Murder, BLACK Label Society. But not BLACK Tide- psh, kids.

-Julia

EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT EVERY TIME I DIE….

…I long for the Hot Damn! days.  Nothing quite did it for me after that.  It had punch.  It had sass.  It was downright sexy.  It was also the album I was listening to at a hometown “hardcore kids” rager while my car was getting broken into outside.  Now that’s how you party hard.

Their new album, New Junk Aesthetic comes out in two weeks.  I suppose I’ll give it a shot.  They’re also touring this Fall.  Maybe I’ll go…..but only if they play “Godspeed Us To Sea.”

-Elise

P.S. I still wonder what that guy did with all $15 he got from me.  Ghetto ass prick.

GOD I LOVE THIS STUFF

Have I mentioned my love for Jager? WELL, I love it.

If you’ve ever been to a bar in your life, you most likely seen one of these:

Pretty cool, no complaints about it. You can even get one of your own! That is, if you feel like spending MAD dollars on something that… pours. Although, it’s still a little pricey, behold a much BETTER alternative: The Jagermeister COOLER

GLORIOUS. There are so many pluses to this thing that I’m almost willing to pay $120 for it.

• It holds way more Jager than the tap, PLUS whatever you want to mix it with- red bull, cranberry juice, yoo-hoo…
• It’s perfect to take with you wherever you go, and if you’re a hunter it’ll go perfectly with all your gear!
• And if wherever you go is a sporting event, (i.e. football game) it’s PERFECT for tailgating!
• AND IF YOU’RE TAILGATING AT A SYRACUSE FOOTBALL GAME, IT’S ALREADY ORANGE! GO CUSE!

Sorry, couldn’t help myself. It’s metal to have school spirit!

No? Oh screw you all off!

-Julia

HAVE ALESTORM WALKED THE PLANK??

There are a few principles that I prefer to live my life by:

1. People ain’t shit.
2. Shit happens, or doesn’t happen.  Don’t force it.
3. Don’t be a douchebag.
4. If you’re good at one thing, ROLL WITH IT.

The one in question for this post is #4.  If you’re really hot, but really dumb, it’s alright…go be a model.  If you’re a group of not very attractive dudes who aren’t the best musicians in the world, but are really good at writing shticky, cheesy, pirate tunes, DO THAT.  The accused: Alestorm.

So like all the bloggeroos are doing these days, I’ve been trying to catch up on recent releases for my inevitable ‘Best of ‘09’ post at the end of the year.  After listening to some absolute SHIT of epic proportions (no names named, for now), and hoping for a good chuckle, this wench decided to chug some mead (or $5 champagne) and listen to Black Sails at Midnight.  Alestorm’s last album was simply delightful, and the first single/video sends me into a giggle fit every time I see it:

The rest of the album is bound to be good, no?  Precisely: NO! “Keelhauled” is the only good jam on the album.  Nothing else is even slightly memorable.  Normally, I’m this band’s biggest cheerleader, but maybe the jig is up?  One trick pony?

I’m sure the live show will still rule, but COME ON, DUDES!  STEP. IT. UP.

-Elise

PIGS DESTROYED? CHECK.

Last night was the big show in Brooklyn, and boy did we have a good time. So good of a time that I managed to only have about one and a half drinks and now my head is hurting. Here’s a quick recap of what else happened:

• We learned that the Brooklyn Masonic Temple would be a much cooler venue if it was in fact, cooler. HOT. AS. BALLS.
• BUT, the BMT earned extra points for letting anyone and everyone get right up on stage with the bands and dive into the crowd. For one dude though, it was more of a stagefall. Dude. You have to make sure that there’s people around to catch you before you jump. Silly.
• Ardbeg is pretty shitty whisky. Good thing it was free.
• Elise and I are “scary to metalheads” :( Cause the girls in a purple shirt and a Tom Jones tee are SO intimidating (*FYI, we LOVE talking to people at shows, so next time, buy us a damn drink, Slayer kid.)
• Axl Rosenberg is “the Julia of MetalSucks” which adversely makes me the Axl of RiB and Elise would be my Vince Neilstein. Interesting, indeed…
• If Elise and I ever decided to dress up like metal dudes, the people we could best pull off would be Dave Mustaine and Skwisgaar Skwigelf, respectively. 

But about the show, I think it’s safe to say that Pig Destroyer was amazing and should’ve played a longer set. Repulsion and Brutal Truth were damn good as well, but PD killed it. The whole shebang went on until about 1:30am, so we’re beat. In fact Elise is still sleeping like a little lamb as I write this. Aw. 

And lastly, to annoying mother fuckers who stood behind us to in line to get in, GO FORTH AND DIE. Your less-than-intellectual conversations about djembes and the Civil War made me look like a Rhodes scholar. Seriously.

-Julia

ABIGAIL WILLIAMS AND CO. AT BLENDER 7/23

So, last night Elise and I headed over to the very cozy Blender Theater for some metal and booze. How out of the ordinary for us.

A good time was had by all, as seen by Elise’s Oscar-winning portrayal of me and Justina. Here’s a brief recap of what happened between trips to the bar.

• Daath entertained us all with a rockin’ set. Too bad for them that they’re all about 5 inches to short for us.
• Apparently you CAN make a pit with two people. A pathetic and sad “pit”, but it existed nonetheless
• The Blender Theater makes the shittiest screwies we have ever had.
• Plastic leis are brutal
• It’s never too late and you’re never too drunk to do some shameless plugging.

Big up’s to all our buddies that showed up. Let’s do it all again, say, next week?

-Julia