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Reign in Blonde [noun; plural] - Two tall, blonde chicks who bring the metal. We're not know-it-alls, and we don't report the news. This is our blog where we simply discuss what's on our brutal minds. Bon Appetit.
STARRING
Julia Scorpio, 22
Elise
Leo, 24
WITH APPEARANCES BY
Angela Gossowski
Libra, 24
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Why do the assholes in the world seem to find the most perfect material to fuel their hatred? How many terrible chick bands will just fall into my lap, just BEGGING for me to taunt them? I almost feel bad for making fun of chicks as much as I do. Almost. Curious as to what I have stumbled upon? Well, here we go:
Thanks to our buds over at The Number of the Blog, today I stumbled across A Lovely Day for Bloodshed. GroverXIII pretty much summed it all up, but being the “women in metal” fan that I am I needed to add my own commentary.
Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot to write about. I like the idea, but frankly they just kinda suck. They have potential (I guess) but some serious music lessons are in order. That especially goes for the drummer. Listening to “15 ways to die” is like a total time signature clusterfuck to my ears. As in, WTF is wrong with that rhythm? Where is the beat?
ALSO, WHEN is the hairstyle of parting your hair at the EAR to make bangs and two drastically different hair colors gonna die? That goes for men and women alike. FOR REAL. And snakebites? You look like a retard. All of you.
But here’s the real skinny though on why this all kinda sucks. The only good thing about this band is that they clearly are trying to just be a deathcore band, and NOT an all-female deathcore band. There’s this double-edged sword in this little genre of ours, where whether you’re amazing or amazingly sucktastic, being a female will overshadow everything else. Even us. I genuinely think that a lot of us aren’t thinking of this fact when we are trying to be our most brutal, knowledgable, respectable selves, but it kind of overrides everything. Like a giant boil on Lemmy’s neck, the only thing you can do is try your best to just ignore it. Just a fact of life I suppose… Carry on ladies, and practice practice practice.
-Julia
I’ve noticed something lately. A lot of album covers for female-fronted bands that have come out semi-recently seem to do this whole “innocent creature in an evil environment” sort of thing. It’s like they really want us to “awwwww” them or something…? Whatever.
Above is In This Moment’s A Star-Crossed Wasteland. See more below:
I was getting a new music fix listening to the debut from Diabulus in Musica… it’s kinda like a Spanish (Tarja-era) Nightwish with a little less “umph.” Anyway, I’m listening along when all of a sudden I hear a very familiar voice- is that you, Barack Obama?
There are two kinda weird things here, first that a band from Spain is sampling the voice of a US political figure (isn’t that System of a Down’s job?), but moreso that that political figure is our NEW Commander in Chief. I’ve gotten so used to the haterade that’s been thrown around with G Dubs, and it was really weird to hear Obama on a metal track. It’s been more than a year since Bush has been out of office and thus the hate has been less commonplace. Are we ready for a new era of politico BS intertwined in our tunes?
Is it that people are losing faith in our leader, or does it not matter who the president is, they’re always going to be criticized in music? And what’s a metal band from Spain got to do with it anyway?
-Julia
(Note: WHAT A RHYME. I should’ve been a rapper… anyway, read on)
As always, Hollywood is full of “scandalous” news involving sex tapes and private pictures that were purposely leaked never meant to hit the internet. HOW DEVASTATING. It tends to be celebrities that you don’t expect it as much from, and when Paramore’s lead wench Hayley Williams had some topless photos hit the web, it occurred to me that these kinds of stories never really get to the metal-sphere (aside from Howard Jones’ recent pregnant porn star hoopla).
I think it’s mainly because we’d expect this from most women in metal and therefore, no one would think it was that big of a deal. At the same time though, I find it a little odd that we’ve never the seen racks or pikachu’s of people like Maria Brink, Marta, Grace Perry, Alissa White-Gluz, or hell, even Liv Kristine (you know those WoW nerds are mad freaky). For now, I guess we’ll just leave the nudity to Mike Patton?
-Julia
A while back I caught word of a new band called The Fallen We Are The Fallen, essentially Evanescence without Amy Lee. Replacing Ms. Lee is American Idol alum Carly Smithson. Elise is the American Idol afficionado around these parts, but I watch from time to time out of boredom and truth be told she’s one of the only ones I actually remember liking and rooting for.
HOWEVER, as you can see from their new music video for “Bring Me To Life” ”Bury Me Alive”, it’s almost EXACTLY like Evanescence was (minus the piano and with that one new guy, whoever he is). The other three dudes were all part of the original Ev line-up, and JESUS H look at what Carly is wearing!!! Ch’ello?
So what does the band themselves have to say about the obvious rip-off?
As we’ve said from day one….we’re not know-it-alls when it comes to this metal biznass. I couldn’t tell you who the drummer was of this band during that album in 1976, but I could definitely tell you what happened on ICarly last week! Bottom line…there are way too many bands to listen to and I only have so much time check shit out. Because unlike some of you schmucks….I have a job. But I’m always amazed when talking music with people how much stuff some folks have NEVER heard of, or how much I, myself, have missed out on over the years.
That said, I love someone who can totally school me. Do you guys read Illogical Contraption? It’s pretty rad. Shelby Cobras is a hoot and he knows his shit. Yesterday he did a post on his take on the never-ending saga that is WOMEN IN METAL. Like me, homeboy is not down with stuff like Lacuna Coil and Bleeding Through and all that other bullcrap. So he gives a pretty epic list of vag bands that he DOES like. I don’t know a good chunk of these…so I guess I better do my homework.
Shelby’s taste seems above my head for the most part, but it looks like we share one common love…MELT-BANANA! YAY. Maybe Shelby can help me track down an awesome Melt-Banana t-shirt, as my recent searches have been unsuccessful.
Who’s YOUR favorite chick band?
-Elise
P.S. While we’re talkin’ music experts…you should also check out my buddy Grim Kim’s blog. She rules. And she likes me even though I’m not KVLT!
In the morning while I get ready for work (around 7 am), I often watch AMTV. This is the only time of day that MTV actually plays music videos. INORITE?? They still do that? Yeah, yeah… Anyway, this video for Orianthi’s “According to You” is one that’s been in quite heavy rotation lately.
I first heard of Orianthi several months back because she was hired as Michael Jackson’s guitarist for his “final shows” in London. That was, before he died. There was some rehearsal footage that featured her playing alongside him, and I, like many others, was all WHO DAT? Well, she has a solo career now. And if I had to make a list of the best blonde female guitar players that don’t play metal….I guess she’d top it. Seriously, she’s got it goin’ on. It leads me to wonder if she could have actually done something better than what she did with this single. I mean, doesn’t this just sound an awful lot like “Since U Been Gone?” Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but c’mon, the girl’s got chops. (Fast forward to 2:10 to see what I mean.) Should we expect something more? I sure can’t do any of that fast finger shit.
I guess I can’t argue with it, if this was indeed her “artistic vision.” Maybe she’s just a great guitar player, but can’t write anything “spectacular”….? What do you guys think? Can/should Orianthi do better? Is there someone else in the biz not living up to their talent? Spill.
-Elise
Oh boy, here we go. Remember when I said that my iPod kinda knows me better than an inanimate object ever should? It’s happened once again. Guess what I heard more than once today?
Yep. When Evanescence first came out, I was OBSESSED- and I continued to be obsessed for a couple of years. But then Amy Lee decided that they were gonna take a break… so I decided I would too. We had a lovely affair, Ev and I, but as they say: If you love someone thing, let it go. If they don’t come back it was never meant to be. I’m waiting for them to come back. In the meantime, I have the memories…
One of my faves is “Going Under”. You can bet your bottom dollar that my 15 year old self tried immitate that look to the fullest. It’s this video that kinda makes me miss the days of being a brunette. Key word is “kinda”.
Keep it wussy, ya’ll.
-Julia
Back during my college days, a friend of mine used to throw parties and play nothing but awesome early-mid 90’s R&B/dance music. Some staples to that mix included the likes of La Bouche, Real McCoy, and Aqua. My buddy used to always joke about these bands because they all had one thing in common: “the other guy.“ What I mean is, each of those groups had a male rapper who was always overshadowed and played second fiddle to the female lead vocalist. We so endearingly referred to these guys as “rappers who never quite made it.” <3
European femme metal has a similar thing goin’ on. The main focal point is always the stunning yet graceful female lead. But for whatever reason, there’s always some “other guy” singing or um, “grunting” behind her. I’ve never kept it a secret on here that this stuff isn’t really my thing, but seeing that “other guy” there always cracks me the hell up. They always sound so horrendous.
I don’t know how most of these femme metal bands form, but I can’t help but imagine a scenario where a bunch of guys get together all like WE’RE GONNA START A BAND!!! and one guy is all I’M GONNA BE THE SUPER COOL LEAD SINGER!!!!!! and then the rest of the guys go behind his back and hire some chick. Dreams = crushed.
Well, “other guys,” if you’re out there reading this, just know that I “appreciate” all your “hard work.” This one’s for you. Thanks for all the laughs….
