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Reign in Blonde [noun; plural] - Two tall, blonde chicks who bring the metal. We're not know-it-alls, and we don't report the news. This is our blog where we simply discuss what's on our brutal minds. Bon Appetit.STARRING
Julia Scorpio, 23
Elise
Leo, 25
WITH APPEARANCES BY
Angela Gossowski
Libra, 25
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You know me, I’m down with my fellow female metal-ists. But, I came across this atrocity on the interwebs a couple days ago and it’s still giving me nightmares. No need to watch the whole thing, the first 60 seconds will give you the idea just fine. I’m a fan of the awkward “Simon Says” clapping in the beginning myself…
Damn, this is awful. Happy Monday!
-Julia
By now, I assume most of you have seen the cover of this month’s (and annual “Hottest Chicks in Metal Hard Rock” issue) of Revolver mag. Either you know who Taylor Momsen is or you don’t, but if you’re one of the latter she’s a model turned actress- now turned rock band front not a girl, not yet a woman best known for her role on the TV series Gossip Girl as well as in the Jim Carrey version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Yes, this is Cindy Lou Who. They grow up so fast…
Anyway, forget being appalled by her presence on the cover for all the usual reasons- I’ve listened to a couple of her songs, watched the videos, heard the “controversies” (oh btw, that sexpot is jailbait fellas), and oddly enough when I look at that cover and think about it, the last emotion that comes to mind is disgust. I think I’d oddly fascinated by her…
Maybe I’m not the best person to address such a topic, on account of me tending to very much dislike most foo foo female-fronted metal bands, but dear lord what is going ON here??! Every time I turn around, it seems like another female singer is putting out/working on a solo album.
In general with bands (not just metal ones), there always seems to be this weird perception of female fronted groups. Like, the singer is all anyone really cares about, or a general questioning as to whether or not she’d do just fine without her band behind her. And in that way, the solo album not only indicates the confidence a particular singer has in herself to go solo, but its popularity vs the popularity of the bands’ album can also be quite telling.
Why do the assholes in the world seem to find the most perfect material to fuel their hatred? How many terrible chick bands will just fall into my lap, just BEGGING for me to taunt them? I almost feel bad for making fun of chicks as much as I do. Almost. Curious as to what I have stumbled upon? Well, here we go:
Thanks to our buds over at The Number of the Blog, today I stumbled across A Lovely Day for Bloodshed. GroverXIII pretty much summed it all up, but being the “women in metal” fan that I am I needed to add my own commentary.
Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot to write about. I like the idea, but frankly they just kinda suck. They have potential (I guess) but some serious music lessons are in order. That especially goes for the drummer. Listening to “15 ways to die” is like a total time signature clusterfuck to my ears. As in, WTF is wrong with that rhythm? Where is the beat?
ALSO, WHEN is the hairstyle of parting your hair at the EAR to make bangs and two drastically different hair colors gonna die? That goes for men and women alike. FOR REAL. And snakebites? You look like a retard. All of you.
But here’s the real skinny though on why this all kinda sucks. The only good thing about this band is that they clearly are trying to just be a deathcore band, and NOT an all-female deathcore band. There’s this double-edged sword in this little genre of ours, where whether you’re amazing or amazingly sucktastic, being a female will overshadow everything else. Even us. I genuinely think that a lot of us aren’t thinking of this fact when we are trying to be our most brutal, knowledgable, respectable selves, but it kind of overrides everything. Like a giant boil on Lemmy’s neck, the only thing you can do is try your best to just ignore it. Just a fact of life I suppose… Carry on ladies, and practice practice practice.
-Julia
I’ve noticed something lately. A lot of album covers for female-fronted bands that have come out semi-recently seem to do this whole “innocent creature in an evil environment” sort of thing. It’s like they really want us to “awwwww” them or something…? Whatever.
Above is In This Moment’s A Star-Crossed Wasteland. See more below:
I was getting a new music fix listening to the debut from Diabulus in Musica… it’s kinda like a Spanish (Tarja-era) Nightwish with a little less “umph.” Anyway, I’m listening along when all of a sudden I hear a very familiar voice- is that you, Barack Obama?
There are two kinda weird things here, first that a band from Spain is sampling the voice of a US political figure (isn’t that System of a Down’s job?), but moreso that that political figure is our NEW Commander in Chief. I’ve gotten so used to the haterade that’s been thrown around with G Dubs, and it was really weird to hear Obama on a metal track. It’s been more than a year since Bush has been out of office and thus the hate has been less commonplace. Are we ready for a new era of politico BS intertwined in our tunes?
Is it that people are losing faith in our leader, or does it not matter who the president is, they’re always going to be criticized in music? And what’s a metal band from Spain got to do with it anyway?
-Julia
(Note: WHAT A RHYME. I should’ve been a rapper… anyway, read on)
As always, Hollywood is full of “scandalous” news involving sex tapes and private pictures that were purposely leaked never meant to hit the internet. HOW DEVASTATING. It tends to be celebrities that you don’t expect it as much from, and when Paramore’s lead wench Hayley Williams had some topless photos hit the web, it occurred to me that these kinds of stories never really get to the metal-sphere (aside from Howard Jones’ recent pregnant porn star hoopla).
I think it’s mainly because we’d expect this from most women in metal and therefore, no one would think it was that big of a deal. At the same time though, I find it a little odd that we’ve never the seen racks or pikachu’s of people like Maria Brink, Marta, Grace Perry, Alissa White-Gluz, or hell, even Liv Kristine (you know those WoW nerds are mad freaky). For now, I guess we’ll just leave the nudity to Mike Patton?
-Julia
A while back I caught word of a new band called The Fallen We Are The Fallen, essentially Evanescence without Amy Lee. Replacing Ms. Lee is American Idol alum Carly Smithson. Elise is the American Idol afficionado around these parts, but I watch from time to time out of boredom and truth be told she’s one of the only ones I actually remember liking and rooting for.
HOWEVER, as you can see from their new music video for “Bring Me To Life” ”Bury Me Alive”, it’s almost EXACTLY like Evanescence was (minus the piano and with that one new guy, whoever he is). The other three dudes were all part of the original Ev line-up, and JESUS H look at what Carly is wearing!!! Ch’ello?
So what does the band themselves have to say about the obvious rip-off?
As we’ve said from day one….we’re not know-it-alls when it comes to this metal biznass. I couldn’t tell you who the drummer was of this band during that album in 1976, but I could definitely tell you what happened on ICarly last week! Bottom line…there are way too many bands to listen to and I only have so much time check things out. Because unlike some of you schmucks….I have a job. But I’m always amazed when talking music with people how much stuff some folks have NEVER heard of, or how much I, myself, have missed out on over the years.
That said, I love someone who can totally school me. Do you guys read Illogical Contraption? It’s pretty rad. Shelby Cobras is a hoot and he knows his stuff. Yesterday he did a post on his take on the never-ending saga that is WOMEN IN METAL. Like me, homeboy is not down with stuff like Lacuna Coil and Bleeding Through and all that other bullcrap. So he gives a pretty epic list of vag bands that he DOES like. I don’t know a good chunk of these…so I guess I better do my homework.
Shelby’s taste seems above my head for the most part, but it looks like we share one common love…MELT-BANANA! YAY. Maybe Shelby can help me track down an awesome Melt-Banana t-shirt, as my recent searches have been unsuccessful.
Who’s YOUR favorite chick band?
-Elise
P.S. While we’re talkin’ music experts…you should also check out my buddy Grim Kim’s blog. She rules. And she likes me even though I’m not KVLT!
