Reign in Blonde [noun; plural] - Two tall, blonde chicks who bring the metal. We're not know-it-alls, and we don't 'report' unbiasedly. This is our blog where we simply discuss what's on our brutal minds. Bon Appetit.
There’s lots of “cliques” at black metal shows. The short Spanish crowd, the spiky goth chicks, the uh…white people (that’s me!), and the old farts. Well, they all came together last night, not just to see Satyricon…but as it turns out, you “grim” folk sure do love your baseball. I cracked up as a whole slew of you dudes raced down the stairs to watch the Yankee game in between opening bands. OHMYGAAHHH DID THEY WIN???? All the Facebook statuses and Tweets I’ve read since last night sure have made that unclear.
Anyway, the show was pretty great. Satyricon are “barely black metal” with catchy riffs, which is what I like about them. It’s feel good evil, as my friend, Seth says. I invite you all now to experience the seizure I had from the light show:
The band seems to love playing in New York, and it sounds like they won’t be back for a while, so I’m glad I went. The opener, Chthonic, are basically the Taiwanese version of Cradle of Filth, plus a bonus hot chick…if that means anything to any of you. But besides all that, I had the weirdest fucking dream I have ever had in my life this weekend. Hear me out:
I’m at the MTV Video Music Awards. Why? I don’t know. It was a fucking dream. I’m meeting random celebrities like Josh Homme, that fat comedian Monique, and George Lopez. (What a lineup!) An award is about to be presented on stage. Music starts playing and out comes Satyr with a shirt and no pants on, Risky Business style. He presents the award, everyone applauds, and then he turns around to reveal that he is wearing a thong. Holy. shit. ass. I’ve never been one of those stupid bitches who asks BOXERS OR BRIEFS?? but now I can’t help but wonder…
Did I mention Satyr is dreamy? I tried to go a whole post without mentioning that….oh well.
I wouldn’t say this is Satyricon’s best or “spookiest” song, but it’s the only video they have that features Satyr’s new(ish) hot-ass haircut, so it’s a go. I’m also going to be rocking out to these dudes tonight. Hopefully I can pick my jaw up off the floor for long enough to actually enjoy the music.
Julia and I have been fussing over what we’re going to wear for Halloween, but what about the metal folk? What are they wearing? Do any of them even dress up? I’d like to think so, so….I’ve taken the liberty of picking out a few costumes for them. I could do this with so many people, but for the sake of being brief, I’ve decided to work with just a select few that I find attractive.
Up first (of course), we have Satyr of Satyricon. He’s usually quiet as a mouse, so why not dress up as the most famous one of them all…Mickey!
I’ll be Minnie and we can go as a pair! Aww how adorable, and grim!
As much as I love to gush over what a super hottie deluxe Satyr of Satyricon is….it must be said: THE MAN IS A BORE. It seems like all the major music websites have been doing interviews with Satyr or Frost over the past couple weeks in honor of the re-release of The Age of Nero. It’s a pretty decent album, but I don’t see how they’ll get anyone interested when they’re such a snooze. Here’s one with Satyr:
And check out this chick nodding off with Frost:
And if you really wanna put yourself in a deep sleep, check out this recent episode of Noisecreep’s Creep Show in which Frost joins the panel via telephone. Everyone in that studio looked so miserable, I couldn’t stop laughing. I love it when the one guy waves to his friend outside the window.
It’s so weird, though. They’re so lively ON stage. Why not off stage? Do they not have coffee in Norway? Well, I’m pretty sure I know how they’d take it. Hardy har har…
What you’re looking at is the cover of the new Throwdown album, Deathless. When I saw this, two thoughts popped into my head:
“Big whoop. A giant eye.”
“…wait a second. *pause* …Nice”
I used to really like Throwdown- and I may or may not have a little thing for Dave Peters- so I’m rooting for this album to redeem them for me. The release date is set for November 10th. Thrill me, boys ;)
This year’s POWERTHIRST!!! Rockstar Energy Taste of Chaos tour line-up has been announced, and it ain’t half bad- In Flames, Killswitch Engage, Every Time I Die, & (Demi Lovato’s fave) Maylene and the Sons of Disaster are headlining, with other “special” guests along the way.
When I was in high school, Taste of Chaos rolled through our area and I had a ticket to go but didn’t. Maybe because I came to my senses and realized that I don’t actually like My Chemical Romance. Regardless, the last time I paid attention to said tour was when MCR headlined… In Flames and Killswitch? Much improved. That deserves a “Get it” indeed.
Just when I thought Julia and I were the most boy-crazy-metal-dude-lovin’ chicks on the internet, I came across another blog called Dillinger’s Run which has a feature titled “Extreme Metal Hunks.” Why am I bringing this to your attention? Well, this blog just so happens to be written by a dude, an allegedly heterosexual dude who has let his boy crushes go as far as even planning dream dates with these guys. Check out some of these excerpts:
Troy Sanders (Mastodon) -“…the two of you journey together discussing things such as anthropology and the latest Bruce Willis film, Surrogates - which you both agree did the job it set out to do and was enjoyable despite any complaints about the trailer giving away most of the film’s plot.”
Chris Barnes (Cannibal Corpse) - “He offers you weed…..Sure, you’re nervous at first but it all comes naturally. As you breath deeply you a great “power” fills you and the thought hits your head: this is a the dankest dope God could make.”
Nergal (Behemoth) - “He makes polite conversation about about the pricing of leathers now a days, you laugh at the ratio of his witty remarks against his broken english.”
Mike Patton (Faith No More, Fantomas, etc.) -“He tells you to meet him in the park - more like commands you to do so - and so you do……Yeah. You will get to fuck this guy later tonight.”
But of course, I only tease this guy because I think he is absolutely hilarious. Keep up the good work, dude. If you’re reading this, feel free to email me. Perhaps you could help plan a date for my girl crush and I.
**If you don’t like it when I get all girly on your asses, I’d advise you to not read this. You’ve been warned.
The macho men of Metal Injection just posted a bunch of pictures from a Satyricon show from a few nights ago and MAN is it getting hot in here? Satyr is still givin’ me big time giggles. (Haircuts work wonders, people.) No one in black metal beats this guy in the looks department. No one.
I know that Satyricon are not the most well-liked band in their genre (especially for their newer stuff) but black metal’s definitely not my favorite thing in the world, and I think I just dig them because they’re somewhat catchy and fun. You know…just like Satan!
Anyway…those pictures are getting me psyched to be reunited with my black metal boyfriend at the end of the month when they hit up New York. Hopefully I will not combust when he enters the room.
This recent post on GraphJam has gotten into a bit of a tizzy. Damn…do you people really have us all figured out?
Here is the entire list of everyone Julia and I have ever referred to on this site as a “hot metal dude”:
Mark Morton (Lamb of God)
Anders Friden (In Flames)
Dave Peters (Throwdown)
Kerry King (Slayer)
Zakk Wylde (Ozzy)
Scott Ian (Anthrax)
Mike Gallagher (Isis)
Ben Weinman (The Dillinger Escape Plan)
Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine)
Mike Patton (Every band ever)
Howard Jones (Killswitch Engage)
Toki Wartooth (Dethklok) <— YES, CARTOONS COUNT!
Nathan Explosion (Dethklok)
Satyr (Satyricon)
Jon Hudson (Faith No More)
Jason Bauers (Psyopus)
Brian Woodruff (Psyopus)
For those keeping score, that’s 9 guitarists, 7 singers, and just 1 drummer. Daaaamn, how did this happen?? It’s totally not on purpose. We are equal opportunity.
LADIES (AND SOME DUDES): THIS MUST BE REMEDIED. FILL US IN ON YOUR FAVORITE HOT METAL BASSISTS, DRUMMERS, KEYBOARDISTS, HURDY GURDY-ISTS, ETC. THEY NEED LOVE, TOO <3 .
[Alternatively titled: Is Maria Brink the Male Maria Brink?]
Last week, I stumbled upon an article on The Gauntlet written by a fellow bloggeroo, Spinelanguage. The post was on “Poser Bashing,” a very common topic these days. After skimming through the predictable mentions of Attack Attack!, Disturbed and Cradle of Filth, I came to the final pick: In This Moment, a band that I, too, delight in making fun of. The last lines read:
Insults in this area can be replaced with any metal band that has a female singer (Lacuna Coil, Nightwish, and yes, even Arch Enemy) because all of them are dependent on sex appeal; it’s literally that easy. You can also include bands like Killswitch Engage and Diecast if gender doesn’t matter.
Now, my first thought upon reading this was: Who the hell is hot in Diecast?? (Seriously, who? I’m struggling with this one.) My second thought was…Howard Jones? Wow. Have I become a slave to image along with every other mindless music “fan” on the planet? Could it be? Let’s review:
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