RiB’S METAL MENORAH: NIGHT 3

Shalom metaloids! Tis the season and since between the two of us we have 1.5 Jews we decided to put together a little something for (C)Hanukkah. This is Reign in Blonde’s Metal Menorah, and every night we’re lighting a candle in honor of someone who deserves some recognition. So grab your lighters Jews and Gent(ile)s, it’s Metal Menorah time! Tonight’s Honoree…

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JULIA: 1, LIV KRISTINE: 0

By this point, if you don’t know about swine flu you’re probably about to die from it. I’m sure we’ve all known someone who’s had it (or if not, it was probably YOU. Get outta here). I went ahead and got the H1N1 vaccine the last time I was at the doctors and really didn’t think much of it. For those of you afraid of needles, it was probably the easiest shot I’ve ever had, my arm wasn’t sore or red or anything afterwards. Too bad Liv Kristine didn’t have the same luck…

In a recent statement from Leaves’ Eyes:

“It was the vocal chord disease of Liv which caused some turbulence at the beginning of the tour. After a preventative vaccination against swine flu, she got a sore throat and an infection of her vocal chords as a side-effect. In Luxemburg, Liv had to go to the emergency of the local hospital in order to get a treatment with cortisone and an advice to not continuing the tour. Nevertheless, it was decided to continue the tour without cancelling any of the shows. With Atrocity, Sandra Schleret from Elis stepped into the breach for Liv, and she sang all night the Werk 80 duets together with Alex.”

I’m sorry, but that is just too easy for me to make fun of, so I’ll stop here. Too bad that even when you can’t talk you can still type.

-Julia

EFF YOU AND YOUR TOP 5 LISTS, LIV KRISTINE

Seriously yo, WTF.

Not long ago, Liv Kristine wrote a “Top 5 Reasons Women in Metal Rule”- which we throughly disagreed with. Today, Axl over at MetalSucks compiled a “Top 5 Reasons Liv Kristine Can Suck It.” I would like to say that I too have publicly expressed my hatred for both Liv Kristine and Leaves’ Eyes. So naturally I wonder WHY IN THE HELL that dummy felt so compelled to write this masterpiece:

“Liv Kristine’s Top 5 Vegetarian Eats”

EXCUSE ME? What’s next, “Liv Kristine’s Top 5 Kimono Designers”? “Liv Kristine’s Top 5 Magic cards”? “Liv Kristine’s Top 5 Yankee Candles”? What nonsense are you gonna countdown for us next?

Eh, do whatever you want I guess, cause I’m not gonna read it anyway. SO THERE!

-Julia

HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MUCH I HATE LIV KRISTINE?

Today, Deciblog posted this feature: Liv Kristine (Leaves’ Eyes) Top 5 Reasons Why Females in Metal Rule.  Funny, because, this comically unintelligent piece of garbage managed to prove just the opposite.  Is this bitch for real?

3. Women in metal are always good looking. I can’t remember a woman in metal has been criticized as ‘not good looking’. I’ve often been photographed in my Sporty Spice outfit at 7 a.m. on many of my runs on tour. And there have been no complaints so far. Thank heaven!

Umm…I think I know a guy or two who would disagree with you, but uhhhh whatever.  And no complaints?  EVER??  Give it a couple years, homegirl…

Part of me really wants to write the TOP 5 REASONS LIV KRISTINE CAN SUCK IT but I’m afraid it’ll just be too exhausting.

-Elise

THESE BLONDE BITCHEZ BE TRIPPIN’ Y’ALL

Can you people really blame me for the all femme metal bashing I do?  I’m convinced that so many of these chicks are out of their damn minds.  Especially the blonde ones.  I feel so…normal right now.

A couple weeks ago, Otep (bleh) got in this crazy online feud on The Gauntlet over health care reform.  I suppose it’s not totally out of character for her, but here are some other culprits:

Ohhhh yeah.  It is so on with me and this one again.  Why does it seem like every time I open my RSS, that Anette f’ing Olzon has put out yet another press release on whatever useless thought she’s having?  Hmmm….probably because that’s exactly what she does.  Ever since she launched her own website back in May, this shit has been CONSTANT.  First it was her singing technique, then she “indulged” us on her thoughts on Michael Jackson’s death, then she called us all a bunch of bullies, and now she’s all “Wahhhh I can make a solo record if I want to wahhhhhhh.”  (Yes, that is a direct quote.)  I like how she’s already apologizing for the album before it’s even made.  Moral of the story:  no one likes a whiner.  Then again, I’m whining right now.  Also, I’d probably have a lot less to talk about on here if it weren’t for her.  So uhhh….THANKS, ANETTE!  LOVE YOU, GIRLFRIEND <3

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