REIGN IN BLONDE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKE PATTON!

Mike Patton: the man, the legend…turns 42 today. Kinda makes ya wonder if he’s hit his Midlife Crisis yet. Snort, snort.

Happy Birthday, Mikey! See you in a few months, hopefully.

<3 Elise

MIKE PATTON PLAYS A WOOD BOX, WEARS A SWEATER

I read a few weeks ago on Stubbadub that Mike Patton had written a new “futuristic noise composition” that was to be performed for two dates only here in the U.S. The catch? Mikey won’t be the one performing it due to his FNM schedule. No point in going, right?

Now there’s this new video of Patton recording some stuff for this project from a contraption called a intonarumori: a noise making thing-a-ma-bobber from the WWII era that was used to mimic the sounds of machines. Hmmm….at first I was thinking this was sort of useless, but I guess if you want to create these types of noises on a stage, a lawnmower might be slightly inappropriate.

Anyway, if you’re interested in seeing this live, there’s dates scheduled for both San Francisco and New York. There will be works performed by a variety of noise composers. Sounds like it would make me dizzy, but if any of you out there go, please let me know how it was.

-Elise

WE’VE BEEN PUT TO SHAME

Just when I thought Julia and I were the most boy-crazy-metal-dude-lovin’ chicks on the internet, I came across another blog called Dillinger’s Run which has a feature titled “Extreme Metal Hunks.” Why am I bringing this to your attention? Well, this blog just so happens to be written by a dude, an allegedly heterosexual dude who has let his boy crushes go as far as even planning dream dates with these guys. Check out some of these excerpts:

Troy Sanders (Mastodon) - “…the two of you journey together discussing things such as anthropology and the latest Bruce Willis film, Surrogates - which you both agree did the job it set out to do and was enjoyable despite any complaints about the trailer giving away most of the film’s plot.”

Chris Barnes (Cannibal Corpse) - “He offers you weed…..Sure, you’re nervous at first but it all comes naturally. As you breath deeply you a great “power” fills you and the thought hits your head: this is a the dankest dope God could make.”

Nergal (Behemoth) - “He makes polite conversation about about the pricing of leathers now a days, you laugh at the ratio of his witty remarks against his broken english.”

Mike Patton (Faith No More, Fantomas, etc.) - “He tells you to meet him in the park - more like commands you to do so - and so you do……Yeah. You will get to fuck this guy later tonight.”

But of course, I only tease this guy because I think he is absolutely hilarious. Keep up the good work, dude. If you’re reading this, feel free to email me. Perhaps you could help plan a date for my girl crush and I.

-Elise

NOBODY’S PERFECT

My drunken bar conversations are quickly becoming the best inspiration for my posts. This weekend I presented the following question: “What was Mike Patton’s worst project?” I immediately broke out into a fit of laughter when my beered-up counterpart quickly responded with the same exact answer I had in mind: MALDOROR.

I honestly never even heard She until I was in college when I found a copy at a used CD sale and thought “Oh yeah, that Patton and Merzbow collabo…let’s give this a whirl.” Well, I sure wish I hadn’t. Somehow, when two noise icons combine forces, it is pretty damn revolting. The worst part, however, was the album art. When you remove the disc, a picture of a hairy cartoon vagina is revealed. Just another reason not to take it out of the case.

So where do the others fall? Here’s my own personal breakdown of some of Patton’s most notable projects:

Cream of the crop:

Faith No More
Mr. Bungle
Tomahawk
Fantomas
The Dillinger Escape Plan

Pretty damn good:

Lovage
General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners

Just OK:

Peeping Tom
Solo stuff
Kaada
John Zorn

WTF:

Maldoror
Mondo Cane

That’s just one gal’s opinion. Feel free to disagree. What do you think Patton’s worst project was?

-Elise

MIKE PATTON KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A BITCH SQUIRM

Remember that good ol’ high school feeling when you’d really really like someone and all they’d do is ignore you and/or flirt with other people besides you and it’d drive you f’ing nuts and you’d only want them MORE?? Waahhhhhh

So let’s get back to that whole Will Faith No More tour the U.S. / Will they not tour the U.S. thing. The band has been all over the place this Summer, and hittin’ up some more countries this Fall….including Mexico. (So painfully close….yet so far away…) And while there’s word that the reunion is extending into next year….why is Stubbadub raving about next Spring’s release of Patton’s I-wish-I-was-Italian project, Mondo Cane?! And if I’m not mistaken (though I can’t seem to find the source at the moment), did I also read something about a new Peeping Tom record coming out as well? Can Patton please get his tongue out of Rahzel’s ass and focus on something other than one of his third tier projects? Stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it. I don’t want to hear about any more of this bullshit until I get a solidified Faith No More date in New York.

WHY CAN’T I QUIT YOU, MIKEY?? :( I love you. Now get your ass over here.

-Elise

Don’t you love it when that band you admire so much reunites after about 11 years and are STILL AWESOME?? Faith No More played their debut gig at Brixton today and according to these (kinda shitty) videos, they still got it!

I had a sort of bad day today, but seeing these videos and reading over their set list made me forget about everything. Everyone pretty much anticipated some sort of new cover, and so, they opened with “Reunited” by Peaches & Herb. Hilarious. There were lots of expected songs, and some surprises! ”Cuckoo For Caca!” ”RV!!” ”Mark Bowen!” I’m really surprised they played “Malpractice.” I texted a friend of mine because I was so excited about that one: “I weep real tears during the slow part of that song.” True story.

The band is purposely not speaking to press, so it was kind of hard to gauge what kind of attitude they all had about this. All I had to go on was Roddy & Billy’s Twitters. This made me nervous about Patton. I wondered how he was going to do. As it turns out, he’s totally into it, and his voice and performance level are still on point after all these years. The man continues to amaze.

I am also diggin’ the suits. Looks like Jon went with light blue, while Roddy and Mike opted for Peach. And who pulls off doing an encore of “Chariots of Fire??” My dudes, that’s who. Now we just need them to come to America. PRETTY PLEEEASE!!

The boys are back!

-Elise

Hello, children. I’ve been quite the slacker lately with the whole blogging thing. I mean, damn…Julia has traveled to a whole ‘nother CONTINENT and has been writing more than I have. I blame my sicky-ness this week. I was dealing with some major ache & pain issues. I finally saw a doctor on Thursday, and to make a long story short, it turns out I have an alien in my neck that I am now fighting with antibiotics. YAYY DRUGS!!!!

Anywho, back to business. Something has been kind of bothering me over the past few weeks. Amidst the excitement of the upcoming Faith No More reunion (first show less than a month away!), many people/news sources have put in their two cents on the band’s career, their past and current members, their best albums….or more specifically, their most notable songs.

It’s nearly impossible to read/see anything about Faith No More without some mention of their song, “Epic.” It’s understandable. That song was their biggest hit and it really put them on the map. It might be overplayed, but when you get right down to it…the song rules, so it’s hard to hate on it.

Right up there with “Epic,” other titles that are frequently thrown around are “Midlife Crisis,” “From Out of Nowhere,” and their cover of “Easy” by The Commodores. These are all valid. But there’s one other song I always hear about that doesn’t sit right with me: “Stripsearch.” (See video above)

I’m getting sort of tense as I type this. This is my favorite band I am talking about here….so it kind of kills me inside to think that I’d actually want to say something negative about them, but here it goes…..I think “Stripsearch” is Faith No More’s most overrated song.

Now we all know FNM’s last album, Album of the Year, was anything but…but I still say that it has PLENTY of great songs on it, like “Mouth to Mouth” and “Naked in Front of the Computer.” But I think I, as well as most other fans, believe that the bar was set way high when they released Angel Dust and King For a Day, Fool For a Lifetime. The caliber of awesomeness was sadly not as well-matched.

“Stripsearch” does have some amazing qualities to it, though. The guitar and keyboards both sound really good, and Patton’s vocal rates a “brilliant” on the Simon Cowell scale. The hard ‘k’ sound that he makes when he sings “just walk by…” kind of gives me a girly boner. (Fast forward the video to 1:40 if you don’t know what I’m talking about)

…So as you can see I really don’t dislike the song AT ALL. It took me a while to figure out what exactly bothered me about it…but when I hear this song, I can’t help but assess it as the softer side of Patton that Brandon Boyd & Incubus so eagerly embraced in their cutesy-wutesy, more ‘commercially acceptable’ stuff. Pretty second-rate, if you ask me. Those dbags can suck it.

Sigh…I want my Mommy now.

What’s your favorite band’s most overrated song?

-Elise

The ultimate kick in the vag.

“As confirmed tonight by his label and publicist, Mike Patton has announced that Faith No More will be reuniting for a European summer tour. While no other info has been given, we’ve been told that the tour will only take place in Europe, the dates are “to come” and there are absolutely no plans to tour the States.”

I can’t fucking believe this. I am falling into a deep pit of despair right now.

…..or I can just not eat for the next four months so I can save every cent I have and fly across the pond. Great idea!

-Elise

sr_adspace_id = 8329107; sr_adspace_width = 728; sr_adspace_height = 90; sr_ad_new_window = true; sr_adspace_type = "graphic";

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKE PATTON!

MIKE PATTON PLAYS A WOOD BOX, WEARS A SWEATER

WE’VE BEEN PUT TO SHAME

NOBODY’S PERFECT

MIKE PATTON KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A BITCH SQUIRM