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Reign in Blonde [noun; plural] - Two tall, blonde chicks who bring the metal. We're not know-it-alls, and we don't 'report' unbiasedly. This is our blog where we simply discuss what's on our brutal minds. Bon Appetit.
STARRING
Julia Scorpio, 22
Elise
Leo, 24
WITH APPEARANCES BY
Angela Gossowski
Libra, 24
METAL ELITE
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Ok, so I’m gonna just cut to the chase. Tell me this isn’t weird.
On the way to the gym today, I found this in my puzzle book (Under “MOOSE”):
And THEN, on the way back home, THIS little gem popped up two puzzles later!
Only two words can sum up this phenomenon: GET IT.
-Julia
There’s lots of “cliques” at black metal shows. The short Spanish crowd, the spiky goth chicks, the uh…white people (that’s me!), and the old farts. Well, they all came together last night, not just to see Satyricon…but as it turns out, you “grim” folk sure do love your baseball. I cracked up as a whole slew of you dudes raced down the stairs to watch the Yankee game in between opening bands. OHMYGAAHHH DID THEY WIN???? All the Facebook statuses and Tweets I’ve read since last night sure have made that unclear.
Anyway, the show was pretty great. Satyricon are “barely black metal” with catchy riffs, which is what I like about them. It’s feel good evil, as my friend, Seth says. I invite you all now to experience the seizure I had from the light show:
The band seems to love playing in New York, and it sounds like they won’t be back for a while, so I’m glad I went. The opener, Chthonic, are basically the Taiwanese version of Cradle of Filth, plus a bonus hot chick…if that means anything to any of you. But besides all that, I had the weirdest fucking dream I have ever had in my life this weekend. Hear me out:
I’m at the MTV Video Music Awards. Why? I don’t know. It was a fucking dream. I’m meeting random celebrities like Josh Homme, that fat comedian Monique, and George Lopez. (What a lineup!) An award is about to be presented on stage. Music starts playing and out comes Satyr with a shirt and no pants on, Risky Business style. He presents the award, everyone applauds, and then he turns around to reveal that he is wearing a thong. Holy. shit. ass. I’ve never been one of those stupid bitches who asks BOXERS OR BRIEFS?? but now I can’t help but wonder…
Did I mention Satyr is dreamy? I tried to go a whole post without mentioning that….oh well.
-Elise
I wouldn’t say this is Satyricon’s best or “spookiest” song, but it’s the only video they have that features Satyr’s new(ish) hot-ass haircut, so it’s a go. I’m also going to be rocking out to these dudes tonight. Hopefully I can pick my jaw up off the floor for long enough to actually enjoy the music.
-Elise
Julia and I have been fussing over what we’re going to wear for Halloween, but what about the metal folk? What are they wearing? Do any of them even dress up? I’d like to think so, so….I’ve taken the liberty of picking out a few costumes for them. I could do this with so many people, but for the sake of being brief, I’ve decided to work with just a select few that I find attractive.
Up first (of course), we have Satyr of Satyricon. He’s usually quiet as a mouse, so why not dress up as the most famous one of them all…Mickey!
I’ll be Minnie and we can go as a pair! Aww how adorable, and grim!
As much as I love to gush over what a super hottie deluxe Satyr of Satyricon is….it must be said: THE MAN IS A BORE. It seems like all the major music websites have been doing interviews with Satyr or Frost over the past couple weeks in honor of the re-release of The Age of Nero. It’s a pretty decent album, but I don’t see how they’ll get anyone interested when they’re such a snooze. Here’s one with Satyr:
And check out this chick nodding off with Frost:
And if you really wanna put yourself in a deep sleep, check out this recent episode of Noisecreep’s Creep Show in which Frost joins the panel via telephone. Everyone in that studio looked so miserable, I couldn’t stop laughing. I love it when the one guy waves to his friend outside the window.
It’s so weird, though. They’re so lively ON stage. Why not off stage? Do they not have coffee in Norway? Well, I’m pretty sure I know how they’d take it. Hardy har har…
-Elise
**If you don’t like it when I get all girly on your asses, I’d advise you to not read this. You’ve been warned.
The macho men of Metal Injection just posted a bunch of pictures from a Satyricon show from a few nights ago and MAN is it getting hot in here? Satyr is still givin’ me big time giggles. (Haircuts work wonders, people.) No one in black metal beats this guy in the looks department. No one.
I know that Satyricon are not the most well-liked band in their genre (especially for their newer stuff) but black metal’s definitely not my favorite thing in the world, and I think I just dig them because they’re somewhat catchy and fun. You know…just like Satan!
Anyway…those pictures are getting me psyched to be reunited with my black metal boyfriend at the end of the month when they hit up New York. Hopefully I will not combust when he enters the room.
-Elise
Slow news day(s) here on the RiB camp. We’ll try to do better next week. But for now…
There’s this kooky TV show in Australia called Chasers War. It’s kind of like their version of Jackass, except everyone talks more pretty….and people dress half and half? Sure, why not. [via Squizz.]
Did you know Norway is consistently rated the most livable country in the world? I didn’t. How does the “birthplace of black metal” get that sort of rep? I now question the Norwegians’ br00tality, since everyone in this video seems so delightful!
That said, Norway is currently my favorite of all the Scandinavian countries since we have the most hits from there. Big ups to them. HI SATYR! <3
Step it up, Sweden.
-Elise
Julia kinda beat me to the punch on this Satyricon biznass this morning. I gotta say, I am as excited as she is, but for slightly different reasons. (The RiB gals don’t always see eye-to-eye.) I know a lot of people aren’t into Satyricon, but I enjoy them as the fun, poppy-er side of black metal. Here’s why I think you should come party with us this ROCKtober:
5. Chthonic
Truth be told, I’ve barely listened to them, but since I know it’s mostly dudes reading this site, I might as well get this out of the way:
Yup…
According to Reign in Blonde’s Analytics, our most viewed post is a list we concocted on who we think are the hottest dudes in metal. I found this rather funny. So considering that all you dudes are just THAT concerned with this subject, I’m going to offer a couple more names.
Since composing that list, I’ve noticed that there are two men in metal who have altered their appearance in such a way that make them now eligible for my list. Julia, as we all know, likes her men hairy, and she’s not the only one. But I tend to steer things in the opposite direction: the less hair, the better. Here are my addendums:
Satyr (Satyricon)
The last image I pretty much had of Satyr before seeing Satyricon this past February was the typical long-haired, snow white-skinned Norwegian black metal dude. The video for “K.I.N.G.” off their last album, Now, Diabolical didn’t exactly make me want to throw myself at him. But when Satyricon took the stage at the Nokia Theatre that night (promoting their newest album, The Age of Nero), I was dazzled by Satyr’s new slicked back haircut (which he has apparently had for a while now, whoops). He also had no corpse paint on, so he was just daaamn handsome. A friend of mine pointed out that he kind of looks like a Nazi, but hey, who have those people ever pissed off? Yo Satyr….your ‘Black Crow,’ my ‘Tombstone?’ Ehh?
Jon Hudson (Faith No More)
Ok, so most people were pretty pissed when they found out that Jim Martin wasn’t going to be participating in the Faith No More reunion. Replacement guitarist Jon Hudson isn’t quite considered the true FNM guitarist. But as pictures and video began to surface of their recent shows in Europe, I was struck by one major thing: There is now a bald man in Faith No More. If you read this blog regularly, you know that this makes me very very happy. My favorite band has now achieved ultimate perfection: 1.) Mike Patton, 2.) Fabulous rhythm section, 3.) Cool gay dude, and 4.) HOT ASS BALD MAN. Yay’s all around.
It’s amazing what a difference a little trim can make! Now, I’m not saying all you beasts out there should get a hair cut (I’m not your damn mother), but…it might be worth a shot. :)
-Elise
I came across this information quasi-randomly… I was looking for further information and some of Elise and I’s favorite metal men, and instead found this. In case you don’t know what a “satyr”- as in Satyricon’s lead man, aka Sigurd Wongraven:
“In Greek mythology, satyrs (Ancient Greek, Σάτυροι, Satyroi) are a troop of male companions of Pan and Dionysus — “satyresses” were a late invention of poets — that roamed the woods and mountains. In mythology they are often associated with sex drive and vase-painters often portrayed them with perpetual erections.”
Alright then. Now you know.
-Julia
