SATYRICON: BIG CITY DREAMS, BIG CITY TEAMS

There’s lots of “cliques” at black metal shows.  The short Spanish crowd, the spiky goth chicks, the uh…white people (that’s me!), and the old farts.  Well, they all came together last night, not just to see Satyricon…but as it turns out, you “grim” folk sure do love your baseball.  I cracked up as a whole slew of you dudes raced down the stairs to watch the Yankee game in between opening bands.  OHMYGAAHHH DID THEY WIN????  All the Facebook statuses and Tweets I’ve read since last night sure have made that unclear.

Anyway, the show was pretty great.  Satyricon are “barely black metal” with catchy riffs, which is what I like about them.  It’s feel good evil, as my friend, Seth says.  I invite you all now to experience the seizure I had from the light show:

The band seems to love playing in New York, and it sounds like they won’t be back for a while, so I’m glad I went.  The opener, Chthonic, are basically the Taiwanese version of Cradle of Filth, plus a bonus hot chick…if that means anything to any of you.  But besides all that, I had the weirdest fucking dream I have ever had in my life this weekend.  Hear me out:

I’m at the MTV Video Music Awards.  Why?  I don’t know.  It was a fucking dream.  I’m meeting random celebrities like Josh Homme, that fat comedian Monique, and George Lopez.  (What a lineup!)  An award is about to be presented on stage.  Music starts playing and out comes Satyr with a shirt and no pants on, Risky Business style.  He presents the award, everyone applauds, and then he turns around to reveal that he is wearing a thong.  Holy. shit. ass.  I’ve never been one of those stupid bitches who asks BOXERS OR BRIEFS?? but now I can’t help but wonder…

Did I mention Satyr is dreamy?  I tried to go a whole post without mentioning that….oh well.

-Elise

HALLOWEEN HOEDOWN - “BLACK CROW ON A TOMBSTONE”

I wouldn’t say this is Satyricon’s best or “spookiest” song, but it’s the only video they have that features Satyr’s new(ish) hot-ass haircut, so it’s a go.  I’m also going to be rocking out to these dudes tonight.  Hopefully I can pick my jaw up off the floor for long enough to actually enjoy the music.

-Elise

PLAY HALLOWEEN DRESS-UP WITH YOUR FAVORITE METAL PEEPS!

Julia and I have been fussing over what we’re going to wear for Halloween, but what about the metal folk?  What are they wearing?  Do any of them even dress up?  I’d like to think so, so….I’ve taken the liberty of picking out a few costumes for them.  I could do this with so many people, but for the sake of being brief, I’ve decided to work with just a select few that I find attractive.

Up first (of course), we have Satyr of Satyricon.  He’s usually quiet as a mouse, so why not dress up as the most famous one of them all…Mickey!

I’ll be Minnie and we can go as a pair!  Aww how adorable, and grim!

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SATYRI-YAWN

As much as I love to gush over what a super hottie deluxe Satyr of Satyricon is….it must be said:  THE MAN IS A BORE.  It seems like all the major music websites have been doing interviews with Satyr or Frost over the past couple weeks in honor of the re-release of The Age of Nero.  It’s a pretty decent album, but I don’t see how they’ll get anyone interested when they’re such a snooze.  Here’s one with Satyr:

And check out this chick nodding off with Frost:

And if you really wanna put yourself in a deep sleep, check out this recent episode of Noisecreep’s Creep Show in which Frost joins the panel via telephone.  Everyone in that studio looked so miserable, I couldn’t stop laughing.  I love it when the one guy waves to his friend outside the window.

It’s so weird, though.  They’re so lively ON stage.  Why not off stage?  Do they not have coffee in Norway?  Well, I’m pretty sure I know how they’d take it.  Hardy har har…

-Elise

IT’S MY BLOG AND I’LL OBJECTIFY MEN IF I WANT TO

**If you don’t like it when I get all girly on your asses, I’d advise you to not read this.  You’ve been warned.

The macho men of Metal Injection just posted a bunch of pictures from a Satyricon show from a few nights ago and MAN is it getting hot in here? Satyr is still givin’ me big time giggles.  (Haircuts work wonders, people.)  No one in black metal beats this guy in the looks department.  No one.

I know that Satyricon are not the most well-liked band in their genre (especially for their newer stuff) but black metal’s definitely not my favorite thing in the world, and I think I just dig them because they’re somewhat catchy and fun.  You know…just like Satan!

Anyway…those pictures are getting me psyched to be reunited with my black metal boyfriend at the end of the month when they hit up New York.  Hopefully I will not combust when he enters the room.

-Elise

ANOTHER RANDOM TOUR LINEUP

What the hell is going on in the tour universe? First we had the strange (but still alright) Satyricon lineup for the fall, and now this:

FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH, SHADOWS FALL, OTEP, 2 CENTS

Five Finger Death Punch (ehh)

Shadows Fall (I’d dig it)

Otep (The opposite of 5FDP?)

2 Cents (…who?)

Seriously, who is putting these shows together? Are we just sticking band names in a hat and pulling them out at random? How about we do Throwdown, Gorgoroth, Tarja, and Ill Nino? Or perhaps Dethklok, Metallica, Walls of Jericho, and Genghis Tron?

-Julia

TOP 5 REASONS YOU SHOULD GO TO SATYRICON’S HEADLINING NORTH AMERICAN FALL TOUR

Julia kinda beat me to the punch on this Satyricon biznass this morning.  I gotta say, I am as excited as she is, but for slightly different reasons.  (The RiB gals don’t always see eye-to-eye.)  I know a lot of people aren’t into Satyricon, but I enjoy them as the fun, poppy-er side of black metal.  Here’s why I think you should come party with us this ROCKtober:

5. Chthonic

Truth be told, I’ve barely listened to them, but since I know it’s mostly dudes reading this site, I might as well get this out of the way:

Yup…

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COOL! WAIT, WHAT?

According to Metal Insider, the following bands are going on tour. Together.

SATYRICON, BLEEDING THROUGH, TOXIC HOLOCAUST, CHTHONIC

At first glance I thought, “That’s cool, I’d go to that for sure.” But then I thought about it a little more. Is it just me or does this lineup not really make sense? 

1. Satyricon- Elise and I both like Satyricon (especially Satyr for Elise) and we certainly wouldn’t mind seeing them live. As said not too many posts ago, “Fuel for Hatred” is one of my favorite good mood metal songs.
2. Bleeding Through- Elise and I kinda remember? saw Bleeding Through last summer at Roseland, so been there done that. I would see them again- maybe this time with one less Long Beach Iced Tea- but Orange County Thrash/Synthcore (for lack of better term) doesn’t seem to go with Norwegian Black Metal.
3. Toxic Holocaust- …really? I’ve seen them before as well. With GWAR. Should be pretty self-explanatory to see why one of these things is not like the other here. (Plus, just WHY? They’re not even that good and the lead singer is a Bret Michaels doppelganger)
4. Chthonic- …who cares. 

So really, it’s not a horrible line up, but it’s like sitting down to a meal with an ice cream sundae and a bacon egg and cheese sandwich. It’s all good, but not all at once.

-Julia

HOT METAL DUDE MAKEOVERS

According to Reign in Blonde’s Analytics, our most viewed post is a list we concocted on who we think are the hottest dudes in metal.  I found this rather funny.  So considering that all you dudes are just THAT concerned with this subject, I’m going to offer a couple more names.

Since composing that list, I’ve noticed that there are two men in metal who have altered their appearance in such a way that make them now eligible for my list.  Julia, as we all know, likes her men hairy, and she’s not the only one.  But I tend to steer things in the opposite direction: the less hair, the better.  Here are my addendums:

Satyr (Satyricon)

The last image I pretty much had of Satyr before seeing Satyricon this past February was the typical long-haired, snow white-skinned Norwegian black metal dude.  The video for “K.I.N.G.” off their last album, Now, Diabolical didn’t exactly make me want to throw myself at him.  But when Satyricon took the stage at the Nokia Theatre that night (promoting their newest album, The Age of Nero), I was dazzled by Satyr’s new slicked back haircut (which he has apparently had for a while now, whoops).  He also had no corpse paint on, so he was just daaamn handsome.  A friend of mine pointed out that he kind of looks like a Nazi, but hey, who have those people ever pissed off?  Yo Satyr….your ‘Black Crow,’ my ‘Tombstone?’  Ehh?

Jon Hudson (Faith No More)

Ok, so most people were pretty pissed when they found out that Jim Martin wasn’t going to be participating in the Faith No More reunion.  Replacement guitarist Jon Hudson isn’t quite considered the true FNM guitarist.  But as pictures and video began to surface of their recent shows in Europe, I was struck by one major thing: There is now a bald man in Faith No More. If you read this blog regularly, you know that this makes me very very happy.  My favorite band has now achieved ultimate perfection:  1.) Mike Patton, 2.) Fabulous rhythm section, 3.) Cool gay dude, and 4.) HOT ASS BALD MAN.  Yay’s all around.

It’s amazing what a difference a little trim can make!  Now, I’m not saying all you beasts out there should get a hair cut (I’m not your damn mother), but…it might be worth a shot.  :)

-Elise