This is it, everyone. This one’s for all the marbles. We needed a little more help this time around, so we’ve sought the expertise of not 1, not 2, not 3…but 6 metal superiors, including: that ball bustin’ diva of the MetalSucks mansion- Angela Gossowski, rockin’ music writer Zena Tsarfin, Metal Mark of SkullsNBones.com, as well as the one and only Seth Diamond, who not only plays guitar in a super cool Jew metal band, but it also a very good friend of ours. (No other credentials necessary.) Who are the other two panelists, you ask? Hmmm…let’s not think too hard about that one.
Well, let’s not keep you guys waiting any longer. It’s time. Who will win this most coveted title? Let’s find out:
THE FINAL ROUND: DALLAS COYLE (EX. GOD FORBID) VS. GABE GARCIA (BLACK TIDE)
I guess I should make it known that I don’t often fantasize about sexing up a lady, but if there was one female I would consider flickin’ my bean to, it would certainly be Miss Garcia. Her svelte physique has just enough curve to know that she eats once a day, and probably brings it up a couple times a week as well. I love my women insecure! I recently found a widget counting down the days until Garcia can officially pose for Playboy (move over, Miley Cyrus), and its really making this decision that much harder. I do, however, have one recommendation for our sexy ladess: sweetheart, I know you look in the mirror and get insecure about your beak. There IS surgery for that, you know. Give Jenna Jameson a jingle and I’m SURE she’ll give you a reference to a great surgeon who will fix your nose and destroy your career all in one simple procedure. Until then, wear the hair in the face and find “your good side” when its picture time. *muah*
My gushing over Garcia really can’t hold a candle to my complete infatuation with the dark-haired, olive-skinned mantrap that is Mrs.Coyle. That hair, those eyes filled with such seduction and mystery…I just want to rip her clothes off and show her what a woman should REALLY feel like. Carrie Prejean has NOTHING on the hotness that seeps from Coyle’s pores. The way she works those phalanges on her guitar makes me think that she has certainly had her way with a few ladies in her day, am I right!? IS IT HOT IN HERE!?
So…who is the best choice between these two sex-pots? Garcia still has YEARS of beauty left in her, at least 15 before she hits her prime. Dallas, however, has already hit hers and I’m not sure what else she has to offer us – aesthetically – beyond this point. Is there a way she could get any hotter? This is hard, but I’m going to have to go with….Mrs. Dallas Coyle. I don’t usually think about having sex with the relatives of the men who do my landscaping (those geraniums look GREAT, Jose!), but Dallas has won me over. She may have hit her prime, but her experience and will to leave a great band for a project no one will ever care about really makes her a true beauty in my book. You’ve got to have man-like balls to make a move like that.
(Thanks so much to my ladies at Reign In Blonde for including me in the contest. Although this entire process has forced me to re-examine my sexuality. I probably could have suppressed these feelings until my mid-life crisis and inevitable divorce. You’re both paying for my therapy.) —No prob, girlfriend! FINAL VOTE: DALLAS COYLE.
—Angela Gossowski, MetalSucks.net
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While Dallas Coyle’s wild curls and fierce eyes are enthralling, there’s something about the biracial vixen’s rampant energy that just scares us off. On the contrary, Black Tide’s Gabe Garcia has mass appeal. It’s almost as if the still-underage Latina stunner is the love child of Twilight’s Bella and Jacob, inheriting the werewolf’s exotic looks and her mortal mom’s thin, permanently-pursed lips. Add to that Garcia’s mane of shiny dark hair, and you’re talking about a bewitching Miami beauty still years away from her prime. And I, for one, can’t wait to follow the progress. FINAL VOTE: GABE GARCIA.
—Zena Tsarfin, ZenaMetal.com
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A difficult decision here, but my heart must lean toward Ms. Coyle. I like a woman that is aware of things going on in the world, and Dallas seems to always have a smart comment or idea about how to make things better for everyone. In other words, if I screwed up the relationship by cheating on Dallas with Ms. Garcia, she would find a way to make everything better. Plus, who can resist the hair?!? DALLAS WINS! FINAL VOTE: DALLAS COYLE.
—Metal Mark, SkullsNBones.com
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I don’t know much about Ms. Coyle’s music but I am just not into the sleeves, the muscles or the mustache. I think she could seriously kick my ass. However the “barely legal” thing Ms. Garcia has going really tickles my fancy. Nubile teen shredders all the way. FINAL VOTE: GABE GARCIA.
—Seth Diamond, Gods of Fire (buy that shit!)
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**And of course, the two most important votes of all….ours!
And its down to the final two… Before I begin, let me tell you that you’re both winners just for getting this far. You had some pretty steep competition, but someone has to go away with the crown.
Those eyes, those piercing eyes that could only belong to Dallas Coyle. It’s like she’s constantly looking into the eyes of the one she loves and saying “Nothing will ever come between us” in a brethy whisper. And then there’s Srta. Garcia, trying to prove that there’s more to her than just a pretty face. She also has beautiful HAIR. Hair any dude would love to run his hands through. So how can I make my decision? How does one choose between two such lovely ladies?
Guess it’ll have to come down to personality. And unfortunately, no one likes a quitter, Dallas. Gabe may be young, but he can certainly knows what he’s doing. Keep up the urge to herbal and you’ll have quite the future in metal AND in pageantry! FINAL VOTE: GABE GARCIA.
—Julia
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I’ve been undecided about my vote until actually sitting down to write this. There’s just so much to consider. The beauty of each of these two contestants is mesmerizing. And while I feel somewhat loyal to Dallas and the rest of her NJ posse (I went to college there), I look at Miss Gabe and see so much potential. So…how do I decide?
Well, as we’ve seen in recent years of pageantry and and other forms of televised competition, the runners-up for these events tends to get just as much (if not more) recognition than the actual winners. Carrie Prejean did not win Miss USA, but we know more about her than whoever that girl was who actually DID win. Clay Aiken placed second on Season 2 of American Idol, and yet we care way more about his sexual identity than anything winner Ruben Studdard has done musically in the past few years. So my decision has been made. I look at my vote today not just as the pick of our victor, but also as a selection of who our controversial runner-up shall be. And Dallas….you are the lady for the job.
That said, Gabe has been a favorite of mine from the beginning and I’m honored to cast my vote for the little lady today. So precious, so cute, and so many good years ahead of her. I’m sure she’ll make us proud. But besides deserving this prestige award, I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t vote for the little one, I’d have this girl, or even these girls coming after me. Crisis averted. FINAL VOTE: GABE GARCIA.
—Elise
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With a final vote of 4-2, it is our greatest honor to announce the winner of our Hottest Chick in Metal Bracket…..MISS GABE GARCIA!!!!!
A big thanks goes out to all of our lovely contestants and panelists. It was a fun week! We’ll definitely be out celebrating this momentous occasion this weekend. See y’all on Monday!
<3 RiB
